Disruptive [Adventure]

[Adventure 230]

On our way home from an appointment, Onyx and I were discussing the concept of what is disruptive to our lives. 

We both live with chronic physical illnesses as well as mental illness. They affect our daily lives, but do they disrupt our daily lives?

As we were talking, we were wondering if perhaps we have a different concept of something that is disruptive than other people. 

For example: Once upon a time I was the mom to five small children and caretaker of three to six additional small children on any given day. I would start my day with a to do list that consisted of things like doing dishes and laundry and planning homeschool classes and activities. Some days the children would play with each other nicely, the littles would go down for naps, and all would be harmonious amongst the rannygahoots. 

Other days, it was a different story. Other days the children would be more needy. We would pile on my bed and demand I read book after book after book. They would eventually tire of that and move onto something else - a game, a craft, a walk, or similar activity that required my full participation. Or there were days when my kids were sick and needed constant care, puke buckets and all. Days when I got little done. 

On neither type of day were the children disruptive, nor was my life disrupted. The children just had different needs on different days, and all those things come with being a parent.

Life with chronic illness works that way as well. I begin every day with a list. Some days my body and my mind cooperate and I finish everything with relative ease. 

Other days, my OCD is on overdrive and rituals and checking and repetition and intrusive thoughts take up a good portion my time. Many days, my body just doesn't cooperate -I'm too sick to get much of anything done. 

On neither type of day is my health disruptive, nor is my life disrupted. My physical and mental illnesses simply had different needs on different days, and all of those things come with living with chronic illnesses.   

I guess for me, taking an hour (at least) to be ready to leave the house when all I really need to do is put shoes on and grab my purse is just my process, something that I build into my day, not a disruption to my day. For me, needing to stay in bed watching movies with my children and reading and canva-ing instead of doing what I'd originally planned is normal, not disruptive. 

What is a disruption? Falling down basement stairs and injuring myself badly enough to go to the ER  and other emergency type situations; an illness flare serious enough to keep me from leaving my house for a prolonged period of time; a doctor who committed Medicaid fraud by selling medication being prescribed to me but not given to me to other patients therefore making me question my diagnoses, and go through a couple other rheumatologists until I (think I) finally found one who is taking my care seriously. Those things are disruptive.