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Showing posts from July, 2017

Comfort Zone

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People don't want to be in a state of discomfort. We all have our tidy little comfort zones in which most of us do our very best to stay put.

Whether it's being physically uncomfortable, or being in an awkward situation, or confronting someone who disagrees with or challenges ones views, we'd all rather be comfortable, right? I used to think so. But I've learned something over the past few years.

Being involved in theater productions at Epoch Arts, wherein Elizabeth Namen's plays challenge the way we look at things and nudge us into the not so comfortable, I've found myself relishing the unease I feel at times. Discomfort is good. It awakens us to our own prejudices and short-sightedness. It provokes us toward understanding, compassion, or at least learning a little something. Perhaps it even calls us to action.

If I surround myself with like-minded people all the time -people who agree with my personal, religious, and political stances, people who support my life…

This is Getting Out of Hand

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Just as I'm processing Miss 15, Zachary's birthday sneaks up on me. His 17th birthday to be exact. What was I thinking having children with birthdays a month apart??? 

Zack has matured so much over this past year, and continuously amazes me with his big heart and sense of humor. 

He's been working 2-4 days a week for the past nine-ish months at his temp position at Windsor Marketing Group, as well as juggling homeschooling, family, friends, and Epoch activities. He acted in Epoch Arts' Mini Production, "Collide," and Haunted House in the Fall, and played Rylen in Unfinished People in June in addition to performing in Arts Response: Responding to Hate with Love and Dinner Show. 


He's had fun with friends...



Done good deeds...


Worn a very attractive hat...


Gotten tattoos...


Gone on adventures...


And worn inappropriate clothing for the weather...which isn't really anything new. 


I've had the pleasure of hearing many good things said about Zachary this past ye…

Propelled

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I thought I might die.

Now, I think that several times a day when my body is completely rebelling against anything and everything I want it to do, but this time, I really thought it might actually be a possibility. 

Probably only a tenth of a mile into the hike, my body questioned my brain's sanity and my spirit's stubbornness. I most likely was more than a bit overzealous in my decision to hike up West Rattlesnake Mountain. It's only a mile from the trailhead to the top - no big deal until I remembered and experienced how labor-intensive crutching up steep hills and giant stair-like projections is. Couple that with intense pain from merely trying to breathe, thanks to costochondritis, and this hike wasn't shaping up quite the way I'd imagined. 

Kathy, one of Camp Calumet's staff that was co-leading the hike, stayed with me, mercifully assuring me that there was no need for her to hike ahead with the others, as I'd suggested. She helped me control my breathing…

Longer Than Expected

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Due to an unusually high call volume, you may experience longer than expected wait times

It's the same message every time I call the CT Department of Social Services. It's always a longer than expected wait time. I was prepared to be on hold for upwards of an hour and a half, as past experience suggested. I was not prepared for my time on hold to go nearly forty-five minutes past my expectations. 

During my time on hold I read several chapters of a book, wrote a bit about my adventures at Camp Calumet, read a dozen emails and responded as appropriate, got caught up a bit on Facebook and Instagram, posted a photo to Instagram, chatted for a while with someone who stopped by my campsite, walked to and from the bathroom, took some photos, did some editing of the slideshow I'm putting together for my children, all while trying not to lose my mind listening to the on old "music."

During my time on hold, my husband and eleven year old son got changed into fishing-approp…

High Functioning

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When you have a child with high functioning autism and you leave him home alone for seven and a half days for the first time, you wonder and perhaps worry about how he's going to do. When this child is a young adult at age eighteen who has been home alone for three days at a time several times in the past and made it to the point where he remembered both to feed and bathe himself without his mother calling to make sure he managed to do both, you have confidence that he'll be ok. 

But when you are the mother of said child and you have OCD that sometimes takes the form of obsessive compulsive worst case scenario thoughts, you stress out a lot before you leave and do your best not to call every hour of every day to make sure your child is still breathing. 

We left our oldest home alone...alone for 7.5 days and then with his slightly younger brother for nine days. He has a cell phone to take with him when he leaves the house. He has keys to the house, which hopefully he'll remem…

Psalm 23

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(midrash)

God, Abba,
My Mentor, my Center,
What more could I need?

Your love and grace enfold me.
You slow my breath
and nourish my soul.
My body and heart broken,
You calm me,
Are a balm to me.
To urge me down Light paths,
Your Spirit guiding,
Your Son's example providing.

Fear will not consume me.
Your peace and protection shield me.
You help me forgive-
No strings attached.
You fill my cup to overflowing with Your grace.

Through tragedy, sorrow and pain,
You bless me with joy and fulfillment
Again and again.
Baptismal covenants
wash comfort over pain
Through this life to everlasting.

Part of Your World

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I want to be where the people are...

Some days, my physical and mental limitations overwhelm me. The brain fog caused by autoimmune illness slows thought processes and inhibits making obvious mental connections. Word retrieval malfunctions regularly, which is probably why it took me over a minute to type two sentences. It's frustrating to misunderstand someone because your brain isn't making a connection in needs to, or to be talking with someone and not remember a conversation you had with them, or to ask a question and be told an answer, only to forget the answer moments later.

Luckily my family and friends have a sense of humor about it all. By 9pm I'm reduced to utter gibberish, which my sixteen year old seems to understand. My husband, however, just gives me perplexed looks and tells me I'll do better next time. I'm often heard saying things like, "can you put this in the fridge for me ... you know, the fridge that heats things up?" We have a cupboard …