Showing posts from 2016



This is not how I envisioned our New Year's Eve. 

We don't know where they came from, but they have changed our entire New Year's Eve experience. 

Instead of Zack going to Leila's to watch LOTR and the rest of us going to Gramma and Papa's house to watch tv, play on computers, and generally relax, we are all staying home, stripping beds, doing a ton of laundry, and using way too many towels. 

Instead of me picking Zack up and returning to Gramma and Papa's house for dinner, games, and counting down the new year via cable, we are picking through children's hair with a nit comb and vacuuming furniture before dinner, games, and counting down the new year via the internet. 

We don't know where these invaders came from, but they are definitely messing up our plans. 

However, we will make the most of it. Our house will end up much cleaner at the start of the new year than it would have been had things gone according to plan. I'll be able to perhaps keep my…

15340 and a Half

The Sixth Day of Christmas also happens to be my 15341st-ish day on this earth (including leap years). 

On this day, I will spend quality time with a young man who I try to talk to multiple times a day, and who doesn't respond ... because he's at work. Or sometimes because he is playing on the computer and has his headphones on. But mostly I do this on the three days a week he's at work. I miss him. So he said he'd take his mother out for her birthday. 

Our tattoo plans fell through (oh, darn, we'll just have to spend another day together sometime), but we will be going out for amazing Asian food and to see a movie. In recliners. With popcorn. I really want to bring a blanket and pillow, but I might get too comfortable and do what I do at home and fall asleep during the movie!

As a family, we will also be packing for New Year's Eve at Gramma and Papa's house. They're on a cruise, so they won't mind. Food, computers, DSs, Kindles, clothing, pillows, bla…

The Fourth, the Fifth

...days of Christmas, that is.

On the Fourth Day of Christmas, I had a horrendous migraine. 

Before the migraine got too bad, I had the opportunity to deliver some useful things to the apartment the New Start Ministry is setting up for our refugee family...and to help out a bit there as well. It will be a cozy home for the three of them, close to a wonderful and helpful family who were refugees just a few years ago. What a wonderful way to start my day!

Then I went to the restaurant where Zack lost his wallet to retrieve it - they had found it while cleaning the night before. I treated myself to avocado maki and then headed home. By the time I arrived home, my migraine had amped itself up to unbearable levels, so I put myself to bed with ice packs encircling my head, where I spent a good portion of the rest of the day.

Today is the Fifth Day of Christmas. 
The migraine is still here. However, so far I've communicated via text and email with a dozen people to coordinate New Start appoin…

The Third Day of Christmas

On the third day of Christmas
I did much driving...

One teen to lunch with his girlfriend.
(I also had lunch with my friend.)
Two children to Target.
Then back to the restaurant...
(To look for a lost wallet.)
A quick trip to Kohl's
(To use a $10 coupon.)
One child from her friend's house.
One trip to the grocery store.
And back home again!

My children love the week after Christmas. Their friends who go to school are off for the week, so they can get together for a playdate or a lunch date. The added bonus is that I usually get to chat with a friend or two as well. 

Today didn't exactly go as planned ... and no, we didn't find the wallet ... but that's life sometimes. Zachary learned how to report a bank card as lost...and to be more careful with his wallet. I got two new pairs of wool socks for $1.12 and had a wonderful conversation with a friend. The two Target shoppers waited patiently in the van while I looked for the wallet, ran into two stores, and picked Alia up from her…

On the Second Day of Christmas

For those of you who love Christmas as much as I do - don't worry! It's not over yet! The Christmas season lasts until Epiphany - January 6th. Today is only the second day of the twelve days of Christmas!

On the second day of Christmas...

I am thankful my migraine is at a dull roar today. It was so bad at one point yesterday (Christmas Day) that I didn't notice I'd received the same gift from two people. Easily remedied, it's not a big deal, but that it didn't register in my brain at the time I find a mixture of amusing and concerning. When the festivities were over, I retreated home and passed out for a couple hours, my head encased in ice packs. I'm feeling much better today. 

I am thankful for the time we got to spend with family, for good food, and good conversation. And for Christmas worship, filled with joyful Christmas hymns, friendly people, and hugs. 

I am also thankful for the wonderful gifts my family received - and gave each other - this Christmas. …


After a horrible night's sleep, I dragged myself from the warmth and comfort of my bed and made pancakes for my children. My husband made bacon, the result of which was our most difficult to tear from his bed teen bounding out of bed at record speed. Upon finishing cooking breakfast, I immediately retreated to my bed, my body in near agony from the effects of rainy Christmas Eve weather combined with doing too much yesterday on my arthritis-damaged body. 

I sit here on Christmas Eve morning, feeling blessed.

Even though Coren can't find the pantookas (apparently Dr. Seuss expects us to hang these from our ceiling). Even though I've managed to burn both hands over the past two days. Even though I'm still suffering the effects of a major allergy attack yesterday. Even though vicodin will barely take the edge off the pain I'm experiencing.

I am blessed. 

I am blessed because I have five wonderful children who have wonderful senses of humor and of play. And who don't t…


Gifts are wrapped, bourbon balls made (and taunting me from the refrigerator), Christmas lights hung, Christmas cards sent, holiday movies watched. 

Our Advent calendar is dwindling, acts of kindness it contained carried out over the past twenty-something days. 

Christmas Angel shopping has been done and there's a giant stocking full of Christmas Angel gifts awaiting Christmas Eve...and even a couple gifts that didn't fit hiding in teens' bedrooms. 

Today we make sugar cookies, peppermint bark, and go on a super secret birthday mission while Daddy and the teen boys are at the movies to celebrate Alex's eighteenth birthday. We brave the grocery store for last minute baking items. We watch more holiday movies. 

We listen to Christmas music - not holiday music - today. We start and end our day with the Word. We continue centering our days in the sacred stories that remind us what this season is all about. We prepare to celebrate the greatest Gift. 

God be with us as we give, a…


Eighteen years ago it snowed. Not too much to be concerning or impede driving, but enough to cover the ground and provide a wonderful view from my hospital room window.

Eighteen years ago I thought he might die.

Eighteen years ago I spent that first night in the hospital, nurses not believing me for hours and hours that I was truly in labor. He emerged from my body gray and lifeless. My heart nearly stopped, waiting to know if he would be ok. Lifesaving suction and resuscitation yielded heart-melting cries. Allowed only a quick kiss before he was whisked to Special Care, my heart left the room with him.

He is now, technically, and adult. I have to admit this freaks me out a bit. Sometime soon, he could decide to move out on his own. He'll definitely take a piece of my heart with him when that happens. 

But I don't have to worry about that too soon. He says he's never leaving. That's OK with me at the moment. I need someone around to reach the too high things. 

I feel so ble…

Wrapped Up

While wrapping Christmas gifts, I pray.

I pray for those wrapped up in family issues, more concerned about relationships than celebrations.

I pray for those wrapped up in financial difficulties, more concerned about their next meal than a Christmas feast.

I pray for those wrapped up in abusive relationships - those who want out but can't see their way out, and those who choose to stay. 

I pray for those wrapped up in surviving war, their only wish peace. 

I pray for those who spread love and joy this holiday season through caroling, random acts of kindness, visiting, and sharing their time and talents with others.

I pray for those wrapped up in dealing with natural disaster, who are focused more on safety and uncertain future than festivities. 

I pray for those wrapped up in mental health issues, who struggle all the more at this time of year.

I pray for those wrapped up in physical health issues, especially those unable to spend the holidays at home.

I pray for those wrapped up in caregiv…


"This is your family."

These words brought tears to my eyes. After months of waiting and a lot of hard work, we finally had, in our hands, information on "our family." The New Start Ministry had been aflutter with activity since receiving the news - securing housing, translators, seeking employment opportunities, finding English as a second language opportunities - but this was a bit different. We were all gathered in one room to talk specifics about our family and what will happen after their arrival. We were talking about them by name, not just as a future someone. 

One question posed echoed through my mind. "Do they have any family here in the U.S?" Family. Our family has lost their family in some way, shape, or form. They will arrive, the three of them, without their parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, nieces or nephews. We don't know if they had to leave their family behind, if some of their family went before them, or if they are all t…


Our one and only rehearsal was snowed out. 

We met a little over and hour before worship began, picked out costumes, got our scripts, and ran through the pageant once. Once. 

Luckily the Interpretive Movement Ministry, which was part of the performance, had rehearsed in weeks prior and knew what they were doing. We call our Interpretive Movement Ministry a ten minute ministry because we have all of ten minutes between Tuesday Night Sunday School and Choir rehearsal to learn and practice. 

We reserved our seats, went over our lines, and had a really difficult time not laughing hysterically whenever the shepherds had their part. Then we waited for the rest of the cast to arrive.

Seats filled up as people arrived for worship. They soon discovered that they, too, would be a part of the Pageant - the entire congregation was the cast!

Soon it was time for us to begin - the readings had been read, the gospel proclaimed, the choir transitioned from worship to pageant with "Angel Gabriel from …


I want less.

I want to spend less. To own less. To expect less. To have less. To need less. To want less.

My life would be so much better with less.

Less clutter in my house. Less time spent on cleaning. Less money spent replacing things that I probably don't really need anyway.

In this time of giving and getting, all I want is less. 

But I also want more.

I want more time with my family. I want greater ability to be of help to others. I want more of what helps my health, feeds my soul, and lifts my mood. I want to do more with my time. 

And so today we clean, we get rid of things that no longer serve us, and we make room for things that make our lives better. That means freeing up space for a gaming computer and virtual reality system purchased by our sixteen year old ... and freeing up space in order to have space - room to breathe. Today we hang Christmas lights inside our house, hang Christmas stockings, and fill the house with Christmas music. We box up donations for various people …


On the nights my body has allowed sleep lately, I have had some wonderful, and some crazy, dreams.

My favorite dreams are those in which I'm confidently hiking or running or doing something physical without worry or experience of exhaustion or pain. I'd forgotten what it felt like, and I wonder if it will ever again become a reality for me.

My least favorite dreams are those in which I'm driving and my brakes don't work. I'm propelled forward into dangerous situations, occasionally dragging my family along with me. These dreams have haunted my nights lately, coming in all shapes and forms. Perhaps this signals how full-steam-ahead my life has become, and how I seem pushed through days without enough opportunity for meditation, contemplation,prayer, nor time to process all that I'm going through. And more than likely my fears about my family suffering due to my illnesses.

If there's one thing both types of dreams are telling me, it's that it is time to slow…


I breathe in life, love, nourishment for mind, body, and soul.

I breathe out gratitude; hope; prayers for others, of thanks, for the world.

Every breath an affirmation of life. Every breath a prayer.

I am thankful for every breath, every step, every waking and sleeping moment.

I am grateful for sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell; for voice, for limbs, for movement; for hot and for cold. 

Even when I'm having a bad day. Especially when I'm in pain. This is what keeps me going. 

Thank you, God, for everything...for life, love, for every life-sustaining breath; for pain, exhaustion, for every arduous breath; for lessons learned through joy and those learned through hardship; for words of encouragement that nurture and support me; for words of disdain that help me stand more firmly in my ways and beliefs or propel me toward positive change. Please help those who are struggling to see the beauty in the world and in themselves and those who suffer without hope. Help us all wake up and be…


Seven youth, ages 8-16, created a cast of puppet characters and put together a Christ-centered Christmas puppet performance, as well as an interpretive movement piece, in just a few months.

It amazes me that in that short amount of time, the children learned how to properly operate puppets (it's not as easy as it sounds), practiced lines, learned songs, and - most amazing of all made it appear that there were twice as many puppeteers during one of the pieces. And they had fun in the process.

We're not your ordinary puppet ministry. We do theater games.  We do out-of-the-box sorts of performances. These extraordinary children go along with my hair-brained ideas, showing no outward sign that they think I've completely lost my mind. Their imaginations are inspiring.

After their awesome Christmas performance during Tuesday Night Sunday School, they earned a few weeks off. Little do they know that I'll be using these few weeks to plan some more out of the ordinary things for t…


I couldn't help but look into their faces and smile as we sang. It was such a great feeling, connecting with others through song as we caroled our way through visits to a nursing home and a few church folk who can't always make it to worship. 

Nine of us, including eight year old Alia, got a tad bit overheated in the nursing home, and more than a tad bit chilly caroling outside people's homes, but it was heartwarming all the same. What could be better than sharing a gift that you have - one that costs no money and comes from the heart - with someone else to brighten their day? 

At our last stop, Alia noticed that next to her tabletop Christmas tree, Betty had a betta fish. When we were done singing, Alia struck up a conversation with Betty, complimenting her on her beautiful betta and letting her know that she, too, has a betta. Betty, never having seen a white betta like Alia's, was very interested in learning more...but it was time for us to go. It was getting dark and…


After the scholars were gone, God’s angel showed up again in Joseph’s dream and commanded, “Get up. Take the child and his mother and flee to Egypt. Stay until further notice. Herod is on the hunt for this child, and wants to kill him.”Joseph obeyed. He got up, took the child and his mother under cover of darkness. They were out of town and well on their way by daylight.       Matthew 2:13-14
Two young parents were forced to flee with their young child. Leaving their home - a place that was no longer safe for them - they went on a long journey in order to seek refuge. It was not an easy journey, to be sure. 

I could easily be referring to the passage from Matthew about Joseph and Mary fleeing to Egypt in order to keep Jesus safe, but I'm not. I'm speaking of a nineteen year old mother, twenty-three year old father, and almost-two-year-old child who have left their war-torn home to seek safety in the United States. The New Start ministry will be working hard over the next twenty-…

The Truth

Why do we struggle so much with the truth, our truth, and letting others in on it. Why do we try to cover up every blemish, every fault, every not-quite-perfect thing about ourselves?

The truth is, everyone has imperfections. Everyone makes mistakes. We are all human. Embracing our own human-ness could make the world a better place.

The truth is I'm fat. I'm sick. I'm tired. I have scars. I don't fit culture's definition of beautiful. I have tattoos. I'm in constant pain. I sometimes yell at my kids. I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have depression and anxiety disorders. I'm a Christian. I'm kind. I believe in love and forgiveness and acceptance and sharing joy. I'm incredibly "crunchy" when it comes to things like birth, breastfeeding, parenting, and what I feed my family -  most of the time - but there are days when I allow way too much screen time just so I can lay in bed and not have to deal with anything for a while. 

I love my ch…


I should be cleaning my house. 

I should be responding to emails and working on homeschool co-op stuff and planning classes.

I should be grocery shopping.

I should be showered and dressed by now, as it's early afternoon and I'm still in my pajamas. 

But I'm not.

Instead, I'm relaxing a bit on this St. Nicholas Day.

Instead, I sent a little money to someone gathering funds to make an amazing someone's Christmas a little brighter. 

I'm helping to address a child's letter to a friend and finding a stamp so it can be mailed post haste.

Instead, I'm painting banners for the Interpretive Movement Ministry, watching a Christmas movie, and dreaming up gift options for my Christmas Angel.

Some days, there are more important things than cleaning and checking things off a to-do list. There are books to read and art to create. There are children who need attention and Christmas dreams to be dreamed. 

And today there was a giant St. Nicholas Day stocking awaiting us when we w…


Everyone is talking about what they want for Christmas, listing this electronic device, that gadget, or this awesome something-or-other. When I think about Christmas and what I want, the things seem to fall into four categories: Too Expensive Things, Helping Others, Helpful Things, and the Intangibles.

Too Expensive Things:
- Hot Tub / Spa: This would be wonderful for my Psoriatic Arthritis, but totally not in anyone's budget.
- Mini Vacations to Places of Awesomeness: Camp Calumet (of course!), Cape Cod, PA to visit my in-laws (once a year isn't enough!), MD to visit my grand-in-laws, Disney World would be nice

Helping Others:
- Water Buffalo: I'd love to get a cow or goat or or llama or water buffalo (definitely a water buffalo!) or in some other way help people through Lutheran World Relief of Heifer International.
- Camp: I'd love to get supplies for our Favorite Place in the World - Camp Calumet Lutheran. Their Alternative Christmas Gifts are awesome - you can give the …


There are certain people who, when I see them, my heart leaps because I know what's coming ... a nice, warm, loving hug. Within this hug is not only love, but celebration of friendship and joy in seeing and being with that person.

Perhaps one of the best huggers I know is Bailey. He is an awesome, amazing, thoughtful, loving teen who makes my day every time I see him because he's just as excited to hug me as I am to hug him. Despite facing more challenges than an average teen, Bailey seems to always take time out to find out how others are doing...and to offer a hug.

Some of my favorite hugs are those that come after not seeing someone for a long time - the spontaneous I-can't-contain-my-love-for-you type of hugs, like when Alia (photo above) reunited with her friend Sammy at Camp Calumet a few years ago. The sheer joy on his face, and the fierce determination to not let him go on hers was priceless to witness. 

I love it that most of my children still hug me, and have come t…


If there's anything I try to teach my kids it's this: We are here to help each other.

Perhaps with money, often with time, and always with love, we need to be there to help and support each other.

Giving money can be helpful, but usually only solves part of the problem.
Giving our time to others can be incredibly helpful. Lending a helping hand to a friend or a stranger makes everyone feel better.

Giving our love to others is priceless. Showing someone that you truly care about them is helpful in any situation.

It is my experience that some people who prefer to give only money and not time and talents as well generally tend to see value more in things than in actions, more in vacations than volunteerism, more in passtimes than in people. They give money, and leave it at that. Don't get me wrong, the money is greatly needed, but they could give so much more - and get so much more in the process. They miss out on so much!

There is a disconnect when you donate money without any …


Driving through downpours over the past two days, I not only gripped the steering wheel and prayed for our safety, but I also gave thanks for the earth-nourishing rain ... simultaneously cursing and blessing the rain.

Sitting in a theater watching one of my favorite scenes being rehearsed, I witnessed Hate trying its best to turn a young woman from her beliefs, toward violence. As she, weakly at first, spoke out against Hate, raindrops began to softly tap on the flat theater roof. As she grew stronger and stood her ground, proclaiming her beliefs and speaking against Hate, the rain grew increasingly louder. The deluge seemingly washing her wounds clean - a baptism of sorts, as she renewed her faith. 

God, thank you for the rain that nourishes the earth, as well as our souls. Please help us to see rain as a blessing instead of a hindrance or bother. Be with the persecuted, the abused, the hurting, and the broken. Give them strength to stand against hate and violence and embrace love and …


Just about everyone I have encountered lately has been weighed down by life's burdens. Financial, health, relationship, work, school, and other stresses interrupt thought processes and impede progress. The holiday season only seems to amplify all that we need to do as well as what is lacking in our lives. 
What if we took stock of our worries, our stresses, our burdens...our plans for our lives that don't seem to be working out and then did something about them?  Often our perception of what we feel we should be doing doesn't match up with what is healthy for us, or with what God wants for us. We live in a culture of doing, of busy, of accomplishing, of making progress for progress' sake. Often we take on too much, inflicting on ourselves much of the stress in our lives.
Advent is a wonderful time to lay down our burdens and have faith that God will help us through - to take a look at the busy-ness in our lives and weed out what isn't serving us, our family, or our …

New Start

Emails have been pouring in. A family in need of peace, friendship, love, and a new start will soon be arriving and we need to be ready for them. They have lost so much - friends, family, their home, their livelihoods. They need so much - a home, jobs, education,.. support as they get settled into new lives and get back on their feet. Soon, very soon it seems, the New Start Ministry will be swinging into action to welcome this family and all that entails.

After thinking we may be most likely to get the opportunity to help a Syrian family, we have recently learned that Congolese refugees are more likely. This doesn't change much about what we need to do to prepare for their arrival - but does allow us to learn about another beautiful people and their dire situation. 

God, please be with all refugees as they seek safety. Thank you for the opportunity to be able to help a family have a new start. Please help the New Start Ministry and our refugee family as we navigate unfamiliar paths …


They are killing each other. The Council meets to figure out who is to blame, what must be done. Can there be peace when two countries collide?

Through the lens of hate, a situation gets blown out of proportion, someone losing it all as a result. Finding your voice to stand up for the wronged isn't easy. 

Urging others toward peace is nearly impossible when fear and hate are thrown like daggers, judgement overruling love in the process. Sometimes a look to the past can shed light on the future. 

They are being persecuted. One stands strong while the other falters. Another preaches hate while carrying a secret of her own. It is often easier to join the crowd than to risk becoming a victim of hate. 

Hate, feeding on our inclination to fear difference, is strong, but Love is, too. Not gentle and starry-eyed, Love makes us take a look at how we love each other and commands us to stand up to Hate, even if that means putting ourselves on the line. 

This second day of Advent, I pray for the c…