Showing posts from January, 2015

It's Not OK

No matter what your views on vaccines are, it's not ok to shame parents for the death of their child from a vaccine preventable illness.
It's not ok to shame the parent if they vaccinated their child and their child contracted the illness anyway and died. 
It's not ok to shame the parent if they didn't vaccinate their child and the child died.
It's just not ok.
It's not ok, even if in the first case the parents' research showed vaccines to be safe and effective. Even if they failed to have a blood test done to make sure the child conferred immunity from the vaccine - not every child does. Even if the parents gave the child the illness because they didn't choose to make sure of their immunity either. Even if the parents were never told that their child might not become immune to the disease after vaccination. 
It's not ok, even if in the second case the parents' research showed that the risks of giving the vaccine to their child outweighed the risk of…

Return of the TRex Arms

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

And that needs to be ok.

I'm in one of the worst places someone with psoriatic arthritis could be: off treatment and waiting. Waiting for tests and test results and doctors to decide whether or not I can resume treatment. 

I was in the same place a couple years ago - off meds and undergoing testing on my liver. One day I noticed my arms were not functioning properly. I was in a ton of pain.  I took a nap. When I woke up and hour later, I couldn't lift my arms at all and the pain was excruciating. After a quick call to my parents, we were off  - my husband dropped me off at the ER and took the kids to their house for a sleepover, just in case my hospital stay was going to be more than a few hours.

Once in the ER, I was called to registration area and asked for my health insurance card. My tyrannosaurus rex arms elicited strange looks from the staff until I mentioned that the reason I was there was because my arms weren't working prop…


I can always count on my friends to keep me thinking. My beautiful, inspiring friend Jackie, whom I don't see even nearly enough, shared her insights with and asked a question of an online minimalist group we both frequent. It was about needs. Real needs. What we need from the world, from others, and from ourselves. 

I have to admit that my first thought was "coffee... that's what I need... coffee - from the world, from others ... for myself." Not so helpful. My second thought was, "enough." But what is that "enough?" 
After not nearly enough thought, but oh, well, that's life for me lately...

From the world: food, water, beauty.

Food to not only nourish my body, but my spirit; to nurture family and community; to bring people together; to sustain and revitalize. 

Water, not only to sustain me, but to sustain the Earth. Water in which to bathe; to swim; to kayak. Waves lapping or crashing into the shore or babbling in a forest stream. Fragranced wat…

Seeing God

Seeing God in it all: a recent topic at Tuesday Night Sunday School. This was my contribution... 

The reality of my life is this: I live every moment of every day in pain. My legs don't work properly. My arms don't work properly. In fact. most of my body doesn't work properly. I'm exhausted. I never get enough sleep. My house is falling apart and I don't have money to fix it. I'd love to get a job, but my health is so unpredictable, I can't. It's even difficult to put food on the table some months. It seems like all of the things I love to do are being taken away from me. My health is getting worse. I endure test after test with no answers. Taken off the medication that keeps my body from attacking itself, I can only look forward to losing the ability to move every part of my body little by little. I live in pain and worry and anxiety over my future.


The reality of my life is this: I have been given an extraordinary gift. I wake up each morning. I br…

I Love You On Purpose

Him: "I love you on purpose."    Me: "I love you completely by accident even though I tried really hard not to and it's all your fault."
I've loved him for over half my life, even though I tried not to in the beginning.

I didn't want a boyfriend. I didn't want to be in love. I just wanted to get through life.  Why did he have to screw all that up?  I tried with every fiber of my being to not like him, to not love him. But he gave me no choice. Why did he have to be so darn cute and loveable and compassionate and loving and awesome and care so much about me during a time I didn't care very much about myself? 

I tried so hard not to love him, but God had other plans. God knew much better than I whom I needed in my life. God put this man in my path and was patient with me as I tried everything to not love him. 

Words aren't enough to express what a blessing my husband has been to me as we've Walked Together these past twenty-one-ish years. Nine…

Coming Out

This post has been a long time coming. I started it over a year ago and have been putting it off because, well, I'm not sure why. A recent post by a friend on facebook seems to have tipped the scales in my mind and I feel now is the time to just lay it all out. 

I've been like this all my life. I've always known. Up to this point, I didn't feel like I needed to share this with everyone, as to some it's always been obvious, and others just assumed. I've never been ashamed or really felt any different from anyone else, but think now might be the time to say something. 

But before I do, I just can't get this frustration, this heartbreak to loosen its grip. When my friend posted something like this, he was talking about the fact that he's gay. It was not news to me, even though he never directly said anything to me. His words, though, got me thinking. Why is it that people have to "come out" as gay and not "come out" as straight? Why do so…