Showing posts from February, 2012

One of those days...

There are always those kinds of days. You may know the kind: the kind where nothing seems to go right; where your tiredness goes beyond weariness or even exhaustion; where your will seems to have been replaced with a need for silence, solitude or just doing nothing at all.

Today is one of those days. If I didn't have to, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed,  taken a shower or gotten dressed. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have left the house this morning.  If I was able to allow myself, I'd have spent a great deal of the day in tears. If there's one thing I'm thankful for today, it's that snow has cancelled activities this evening, so I'm not required to leave the house again until the morning.

This has nothing to do with psoriatic arthritis, ankylosing spondylitis, chronic pain, or celiac disease. It has everything to do with depression and anxiety. It has to do with there being absolutely no palpable reason for me to feel this way, other than brain chemist…

Like Magic

Someone recently commented to me that I make life seem so magical. The only response I could think of was, "Wait - what? But life IS magical."

There is magic in every day.
There IS magic in every day.

See the light filtering through your blinds and all the sun fairies dancing in the sunlight? No, no - that's not dust! They are sun fairies. Trust me. A child told me so.

Look around - just try. Try easier. Yes, easier. When you try too hard, you don't see the magic. As a wise child once told me, "Magic happens, Mama. We can't make magic, we can just see it or touch it or feel it or be it or change our insides to help it happen."

We are enchanted by the sweet face of a sleeping baby, bewitched by a full moon looming large on the horizon, and hypnotized by the images conjured by an expert storyteller. Every breath we take is magic, as we fill our lungs with life and exhale stress. 

Look closely at anything in nature. Look at the detail. Look at the shadows. Look …

Resistance is ... Lenten?

I know it's coming.

No, not a Borg invasion. 

Today is a day of making pancakes and desserts in preparation for Shrove Tuesday celebrations at church this evening. It's a day of trying to get too much done while pacing myself so I last through our Mardi Gras celebration at Tuesday Night Sunday School. It's the day I think about that question and how I'll answer it this year. 

You know the one - the Lent question. 
What are you giving up for Lent?

I could give up chocolate, but my God is a loving God and would never want me to torture myself. I could plan to read the Bible more or pray more or myriad other things, but with five kids and chronic illness and pain, any plans I make are derailed more often that not, and I'm fairly sure God doesn't want me to be more stressed out because I'm trying to fit one more thing into my day or failing to do what I'd hoped. 

This year I'm giving up giving up something for Lent. I'm fairly sure I can accomplish that. …


In a photo taking mood, I decided today to post a  day in the life...

My husband left for work early today, so it was up to me to drag myself out of bed - which was not easy. I must have pressed the snooze four or five times, then finally took my thyroid med and launched myself out of bed. Promptly landing in the computer chair a few feet away, I caught up on emails and such in the early morning silence. Unbelievably, all my kids were still asleep.

Then it was time to get to work. Laundry, then dishes. 

Look who's awake!

And there are more of them! Time for breakfast for the kids.

And coffee for me!

Playtime begins when additional rannygahoots arrive.

Sleepy baby goes down for a nap.
Time to make some Caribbean Black Bean Soup. 

And play.


And play.
Wait! Is that a zombie or a teenager who just rolled out of bed?

Decontamination Day

And it starts. We're decontaminating our household. We shall scrub the counters, cabinets and floors. We are banishing small appliances that contain potential biotoxin. We shall rid the kitchen and dining room of every speck of contaminant. No major appliance will be overlooked. The pantry will be organized, all contaminated food packed up to be donated to the food pantry.

Ok, that sounds bad. We love people who need to visit food pantries and would never harm them. It's up to them whether or not they eat food containing gluten. Since my celiac diagnosis, gluten isn't an option for me, and any contamination makes me very ill.  
Being the only gluten-free person in a household of seven was more than a challenge. Now that our older daughter has decided to give a gluten-free diet a try to see if it helps with her joint pain and exhaustion, we've come to the conclusion that having a gluten-free household might just be a good idea. Said daughter has been told she does not hav…

That's Life

What I want:

To be relaxing in a hot tub with a very large margarita.

What I get:

To be wrapped up in a blanket soaking my feet in hot water and a tramadol.

Skella Girl

For Alia on her fourth birthday... From the moment I realized you were in my belly, I knew you were special … and I knew we were in trouble. You are the fifth and youngest, yet you seem to have wisdom beyond your years. You have a way of looking at the world that makes us think, sometimes because your thoughts are so deep, sometimes because you seem to make no sense whatsoever, except maybe to yourself.
Your affinity for skulls started practically from birth and has only gotten scarier from there.  Questions such as “what would happen if I took off all my skin … would I be able to see my bones of would there be stuff in the way – and would my insides fall out?” when you weren’t yet two years old and proclamations such as “Skellas are my friends!” when you were one and “I love everything dead!” at age three have added to our fear of what you may do to the world one day. We just pray you use your powers for good.
You are aptly named and have tried to use The Voice on us on many occasions.…

The Productivity of Doing Nothing

Why is it that just when I have a ton of good ideas for better organizing my house and a little money to go toward the project, I hit a wall and just want to spend the day I have hibernating in bed with a good book or three? 

There's a lethal combination here: bed and books. The four inches of memory foam tries to hold me captive every morning when I attempt to regain consciousness and start my day. The books I'm reading, pictured below, suck me in and I don't want to put them down. These books not only tell a story, but open my mind to new ways of thinking, feeling and living. So even when I'm "not doing anything" - just lounging in bed all day - I AM doing something. In sharing these women's lives through their writing, I'm bettering myself ... at least I hope I am. 

If I do end up hibernating for a day or three, I won't feel too bad, because in taking care of my self and growing as a person, I'm taking care of those around me in the long run.…


Sitting amidst the chaos, a sleeping baby on the couch next to me, parents walking to and fro, children whirling all around, a wave of peace passes over me. My family is blessed to be part of this place.
There’s a rush of cold air as some teens hurry through the door, deep in conversation. One pauses to comment on the adorableness of the sleeping baby, another to help a young boy pick up some papers that he dropped. In one corner, kids are trading Pokemon cards, in another an eleven year old is teaching a fifteen year old about electromagnets, having made one just a couple hours ago. A girl sits and reads, first to one child, then to a few more who filter in – she includes them all in the viewing of the pictures and exploration of the story. Excitedly scattering when I announce classes are about to start, it’s obvious they love where they are and what they’re doing here.

It’s busy here today. The walls are being painted, teachers – some of them children – are teaching, students are lea…


People with all types of arthritis, chronic pain, and/or chronic illness struggle with RA, as do many others. Many fail to see the value of RA. They cannot conceive that RA could be at all helpful to their lives or bring joy to their lives. Instead they become bitter at the limitations that have been thrust upon them. RA is not about giving up on life and giving in to disease, it's about letting go of your own expectations and accepting the new doors that are opening to you.

"The afflictions which come to humanity sometimes tend to center the consciousness upon the limitations. This is a veritable prison. Release comes by making of the will a door through which the confirmations of the spirit come. They come to a man or woman who accepts his life with Radiant Acquiescence."
Divine Philosophy

Focusing on Radiant Acquiescence for the past year has taught me a lot about myself, life, and spirituality. Willing my body to do things it cannot or to go bey…

Ruby Saturday...

To Mom and Dad on their 40th wedding anniversary: 40 Thanks…
(My parents will be celebrating 40 years of marriage on February 19th and were surprised with a celebration amidst the "winter kids' birthday party" this past Saturday. As part of their gift, I gave them 40 thanks, some of which you may be able to relate to, some of which confuse you. Enjoy!)
1.Thank you for meeting, falling in love, and getting married, because if you hadn’t, the past 37 years of my life would have been veeery different. 2.Thank you for having Jen first … as hard as it was being the youngest child, it must have been harder being the test child. 3.Thank you for setting the example of a loving, committed relationship. 4.Thank you for choosing our three family house in Ansonia where my earliest memories were born – in Tina and Tony’s garden, sitting on the wall looking at the swaying of the weeping willow, and Grampy ringing the bell and hiding around the corner when we answered the door. 5.Thank you f…