[Adventures] in the Intersection of Nonbinary and OCD

[Adventure 65]

My youngest child recently came out as gender non-binary. They also have OCD. They are considering a name change, so they are trying on names to see what resonates best with them. And having OCD, they also have a system for doing so. 

They will try on a new name every so often and rate it daily as to how it feels. If, after a day or two the name is obviously not a good fit, they will move on to the next on their list. Once they have made it through their list, they will decide if any of the names is one they want to live with for a while. 

They started with Blaire. After a day, they knew it was not for them and moved on to Skye. This name feels right to them at the moment, so they're planning to live with it for a while before deciding whether or not to move on.

When I mentioned to someone that they are nonbinary, the person intimated that perhaps thirteen is too young to know whether or not you are nonbinary and to change your name. That maybe it's just a phase. That maybe they just want to be like their older sibling. Perhaps. But I choose to believe my child. This is real for them right now. This is who they are right now. Who am I to say they're not? 

I changed my name when I was twenty-one and no one thought twice about it. Many people change their name at least once during their lifetime. 

But what about the name I gave them at birth? Isn't it important to me that they keep that name in some form? No. No it's not. 

My take on names is that many of us change our names - although usually our last names (which denote lineage, and are perhaps more "important" than our first names in that regard). We give our children names at birth without knowing who they are or whether the name will resonate with them. Any attachment I have to the name I gave them at birth is mine alone. In some cultures, as you come of age, you receive a new name in some form that better reflects who you have become. You leave your childhood and your childhood name behind. I see my children choosing their own names and their own paths in a similar way.

So here we are on this obsessive compulsive journey of choosing a name that fits the person this child is becoming. I say becoming because we're all becoming, not matter what age we are. I am not the same at forty-six as I was at sixteen or thirty-six. I am becoming someone new every day, just as my nonbinary demisexual panromantic thirteen year old is. That they know this much about who they are at this age amazes me, and I'm excited about where this journey will take them.