[a moment] that is a different kind of memory: camp day sixteen

[moment 194]

I didn't want to get out of bed. 

I could barely choke down a few sips of coffee and very little food so I could take my meds.

It took everything in me to not go back to bed for the rest of the day. 

Then we proceeded with our plan to go to Squam Lakes Natural Science Center with friends. 

We began as a group of eight, then split up into six and two to meet the needs of all involved. The group of six, of which I was part, consisted of three people walking on their own two feet, one person (me!) on crutches, and two in wheelchairs. 

Our journey on the trails leading to the animal enclosures were an exercise in gaining confidence - me in my body's ability to make it through despite the pain I was in and the weakness on my left side, and the wheelchair users in their abilities to navigate the hills and valleys and rough terrain, as well as asking for help when needed. 

We made it a good way through and then both wheelchair users reached their limits. They drank what little electrolyte drink Onyx had left and some water. Onyx passed out. Austen wasn't doing so hot either, their heartrate skyrocketing for no good reason. My husband came to the rescue by continuing to the shortcut out and retrieving more water and electrolyte drinks from the van ... and then booking it back to where we were. Onyx devised a seatbelt out of their arm sling in case they passed out while being wheeled. The two perked up enough after more electrolytes to enjoy the birds and raptors and the snapping turtle and the gift shop before we left. 

I found myself so concerned about the welfare of the teens that I ignored every signal my body gave me that I was pushing myself beyond what I should. After the drive home, I sat in the van for a while, unable to convince my body to move. And then somehow made it steps away to my wheelchair. 

But did we have fun? Absolutely. Would we do it again? Yes. Because one of the things that comes with living with chronic illness (when you have a good sense of humor and good outlook on life) is concentrating on the fun we had and the cool things we experienced and looking back on the experience as something like "the time we nearly died at Squam Lake." Our family even goes so far as to reminisce about things on our next visit such as, "that's where Onyx passed out" or "that's where Austen fell and shredded their leg" or "that's the hill that always nearly kills Mama." I guess that living with chronic illnesses means sometimes you just make a different kind of memories.