[a moment] of agony

[moment 80]

Emerging from a fitful sleep, I realized I couldn't move half of my body.  My head felt as if it was in a vice. The nausea was unbearable. I was in agony. I tried to call out for my husband, but words got lost somewhere between my brain and my mouth. I could make sounds, but nothing that resembled the English language.

Just as I was starting to panic, his alarm went off. Eventually I was able to communicate my need for heat, for cold, for water. He laid with me for a while, making sure I was relatively ok. Eventually he had to get up and get ready for work.

As the next hour progressed, I regained some movement on my left side. My speech returned slowly, words slurred, word retrieval difficult. He made sure I'd be ok enough for him to leave for work. 

I spent most of the day in bed. Watching House. Eventually I needed to go to the bathroom and then get myself some food. This was an interesting thing to do with half of my body not working. I was nearly held hostage by a rug that wouldn't get out of my way. 

As the day progressed, I improved bit by bit. My speech returned to normal. My right arm and leg regained some of their function, although they remained very weak. But I was exhausted, continued to have a lower grade migraine, and my entire body was in pain. 

Most people in this situation would be rushed to the hospital, as I used to. I've had more than my fair share of stroke scares while having the worst headache of my life, losing function on my left side, losing speech, and at times losing sight. Upon arrival, I've been rushed in, given neurological testing, and sent straight to CT scan. And told time after time it wasn't a stroke. 

What I have are hemiplegic migraines, which mimic strokes. I'm one of the few that has lasting effects. I'm one of the very few that get them every couple of weeks. For me, some are worse than others. This past one was particularly horrible, the agonies of pain and helplessness nearly turning a moment of agony to a moment of panic.