[Adventure] in Labels

[Adventure 162]

Recently there was a post on social media with the above image with the sentiment, "Each of us is a beloved child of God, perfectly and wonderfully made, just as we are." It was posted by a religious organization, and that angered a lot of people. It angered some people because they don't think that God loves all of God's creation, including queer people. It angered others because the religious organization that (re)posted this image does not fully practice what it preaches in their post. It angered a few because understanding pronouns takes    too much effort. 

There were thousands of comments, many of which were people who felt supported and seen or were from outside this particular religious system and thought it wonderful that Christians would believe such a thing.

And some of the comments went like this:

Why isn't saying "Hello my name is _____" good enough? Why must everything else be defined? Do we really need labels? Why don't we just accept everyone for who they are? Labels are just another way to divide people.

Here's the thing. I can look at someone and assume their pronouns - but I could be wrong. I'm a cisgender female. I have been called "he" many times throughout my life. Especially when I was younger, it felt horrible to be called a boy when I was not. And historically speaking, misgendering someone has been a way to make fun of them. 

I once had a conversation with a man who was irate at the need to use the correct pronouns for someone. Another person joined in the conversation and I said something to the effect of, "Hey, June, this is Bob. She and I were just having a chat. Her opinion is that..." and it was at that point that "Bob" took offense at me using she/her pronouns for him. I reminded him that he said that words don't hurt. 

Using the correct pronouns is so many things...it's respectful; validating; accepting; supportive; loving; and for some, life-giving. 

I would rather know what a person's pronouns are walking into a conversation than having to guess. It's embarrassing for both of us if I get it wrong. Many a time I have repeatedly used a person's first name in conversation in order to avoid using the wrong pronouns. And I'm horrible at remembering names, so there have been times that I've done verbal acrobatics both working around not remembering someone's name (and being too mortified to ask thanks to anxiety) and not using the wrong pronouns. For example: "Hey, June - this amazing person was just telling me that he she they think that DaVinci's has really good gluten free pizza. He she they said that And that it's not too far from where we're going." But I'm willing to do the work because it's the kind, respectful thing to do.

Do gender labels divide us? I don't think so. I don't think that knowing more about a person is something that divides people. I think that better knowing who a person is and respecting and loving them just as they are better connects us as human beings. I think what divides us is being disrespectful of others and being unkind to others through the refusal to put in the effort to use the correct terms for a person and their correct pronouns. 

By the way, my name is Amanda and I use she/her pronouns. I won't take offense at they/them pronouns by any means. He/him pronouns do not fit who I am.