[Seek] A New Point of View

Pregnant with my first child, I heard horror stories of breastfeeding issues and cosleeping gone wrong. I was told to always put my baby in their crib awake so they could learn to self-soothe to sleep. I was advised not to hold my baby too much, lest I spoil them.

And then Alexander was born. He wouldn't, couldn't sleep unless he was held. He had issues with breastfeeding and thrush and we worked hard on his latch and at getting rid of the thrush. He wouldn't sleep in crib or cradle. He certainly couldn't self-soothe. So I held him, nursed him seemingly around the clock, slept with him nestled against me. I did what was best for my child - and for me as his mother. And I thought that I must be doing something wrong, even though it felt so right .

And then I went to my first breastfeeding support meeting, where I found a new point of view - one that supported me in meeting my child's needs through following his lead and my own instincts. I met other people who were raising their children in ways similar to how I felt led to raise mine. I was given information on evidence-based bedsharing safety, babywearing advice from other babywearing moms, and borrowed books by experts on a variety of parenting subjects. And I knew I was doing the right things for my family.

Having five unique children, including two on the autism spectrum and one with OCD, I've had to adapt to each individual child's differing needs. 

Sleep was an interesting thing. Some children took naps pretty regularly during their first two years of life, one decided they were done with naps at nine months. After around 6 months, one would only nap with their best friend or in the car at inconvenient times. Some children were natural night owls and some awoke at the crack of dawn. 

I tried having a set nap or bed time, but it didn't work for my children. It was stressful and upsetting for all involved. Eventually I had the thought to look at it from my child's point of view. They weren't ready to sleep when I was ready for them to sleep, so why struggle? From then on, we just went with the flow. It rarely took more than ten minutes for my children to fall asleep for a nap or for bed, because they slept when they were sleepy. Instead of struggling for an hour to get a child to sleep, we spent that hour arranging stuffed animals just so, reading, listening to quiet music - winding down, enjoying each others' company. 

In parenting, and in life, often a new point of view leads us to a different way of doing things that works better for ourselves and our families - to a place where we can be more true to who we're meant to be and what we're meant to do. A new point of view can provide clarity and encourage growth.