[Nevertheless] It's Messy [Advent 11]

A couple years ago at about this time, I was out with my children and my sister's youngest cutting down a Christmas tree for my parents. Fresh snow blanketed the ground and shimmered from the trees. It was a beautiful sight. Looking through photos of that day, I didn't capture that beauty at all. Instead, I have several photos of this dilapidated truck, left to rot at the top of the hill behind the tree. 

I think, quite possibly, that reflected more how I was feeling at the time. Run down. Not worth much to anyone anymore. Irreparable. Sad. Broken.

Yet I look at that wreck of a vehicle now and see beauty amongst the rust, something comforting in the mere fact that it's there.


I was hoping Advent would be different this year.

I was hoping for a calmer, more family-centered, we finally all have our lives together kind of Advent. A cozier, cuddlier, feeling relatively healthier kind of Advent.

That's not the kind of Advent it's turning out to be.

Nothing has gone to plan.

This week alone brings with it an emotional worship service, teen relationship woes, health worries, a funeral for two murdered teens who my children grew up with in our church, illness, an autoimmune flare, dental issues, a messy house, low energy levels, anxiety, and an attempt at being three places at once in one day so that everyone can be where they need to be. It features a dying stove/oven, malfunctioning toilet, and printer that doesn't want to cooperate. 

Nevertheless, this week also includes watching Christmas movies and having game nights with my children, soul-centering evening prayer and a meal with amazing people, picking up a 15 passenger van full of food to share with those in need, an ugly sweater dance party, painting fun with people of all ages, and a Calumet weekend for our seventeen year old.

Some days it's easier to focus on the hardships and the negativity, overwhelmed by the worries life hoists upon our shoulders. In this season of Advent, I strive to focus on the good, the love, the hope, but sometimes the tears prevail. And that's ok. Life, like my house - and that truck - has jagged edges. It's messy, but that doesn't mean it's bad. It means that we are living in and through our brokenness. And we are living here - creating, helping, nourishing, loving, learning, growing, experiencing this blessed mess to the fullest.