[Nevertheless] It's Been A Year

It's been a year since the night that changed everything. 

The night I thought my marriage was over. The night of soulwrenching pain and hurt. 

The dawn that brought deeper understanding, forgiveness, and hope.

It's been a year of reconnecting, of talking, of striving to listen and to better understand what the other is experiencing. I've struggled deeply with not feeling enough; with feeling sure my husband would be better off with someone else; with knowing my illnesses have a huge negative impact on my husband's life; with understanding how he can truly love me through all of this. I've struggled to feel ... anything, at times. Too often, the pain and illness are all-consuming, overwhelming all aspects of existence.

It's been a year of doing things we love together. We've gone on twenty-eight hikes, spent all but one second Friday of the month on a date night at Arts on Main and Stafford Cidery, and we've even snuck out to the movies child-free a couple times. 

I miss him when he's at work. I look forward to spending time with him. I'm sad when he has time off from work for a holiday and then has to go back, but am so thankful he now has a job he doesn't dread going to - one that he seems to enjoy. I look forward to his calls on his lunch break and eagerly await the call that lets me know he's on his way home after a day at work.

We're still working on communication, on connection, on patience, on understanding. Those things require constant attention, even in the healthiest of relationships. 

It's been a year since the night that changed everything.

The night that we got a second chance. The night we chose each other.