[Adventures] In Not Going to the ER

[Adventure 44]

There have been several times during the past year when I probably should have gone to the ER, but didn't.  This is mainly due to the fact that there's a global pandemic happening and numbers in our city haven't been great. And knowing that no matter what protocols are used, there's nothing that can guarantee that someone with covid-19 won't enter that emergency department while I'm there.

My OCD exacerbates the anxiety I feel about being anywhere out in public, nevermind somewhere sick people go. I have a feeling that should I go to the ER, anxiety and perhaps panic will just make everything worse for me. I'd rather have panic attacks at home due to my pain being out of control than have them at the hospital.

Apparently I'd also rather pop my shoulder or hip back into place repeatedly on my own as well. 

So far, the only thing that's driven me to go to urgent care is a jaw infection, with pain radiating to my ear and skull. That pain was absolutely unbearable. And the doctor was shocked when I requested only antibiotics and turned down pain medication, as pain meds are not safe for me to take due to other health issues. 

My worry is that my health will get to the point where I need to go to the emergency room, but don't, and have serious consequences as a result. 

Being chronically ill when you have to worry not only about your current health situation but factor in a disease that will likely kill you is maddening. There is no easy answer or good solution. For me, I think it will take someone I love telling me that a visit to the emergency department is a necessity. Until then. I pray I don't get ill enough to have to make that decision.