[Seek] Courage

[Advent 10]

[CW / TW: Abuse mentioned]

I admit it. I'm sitting here procrastinating going to the grocery store via writing a blog post. This blog post. My anxiety is skyrocketing just thinking about leaving the house, putting a mask on my face, and being around people who could cause me to be incredibly ill.

When I'm cooped up in the house for a while, my anxiety over leaving the house gets worse. Pandemic or not, my mind works this way.

When something is over my mouth and nose, I panic. The feeling nauseates me, too reminiscent of being smothered into unconsciousness by my abuser years ago. Wearing any sort of face mask, I never feel like I'm getting enough air, even though logically, I'm sure I am.

But I'll go. I'll force myself out the door.

And once out my own back door, my lungs filling with fresh air, birds singing, sunlight dancing through the clouds, I'll give thanks for the beautiful day.

Once I'm in my van, I'll put on some music, or listen to something interesting on NPR as I drive. I'll give thank for this little taste of normalcy in this not-so-normal time.

And when I get to the store, I won't hesitate. I'll put the mask on my face, to protect myself and others. Just as I don't know who in the store has been exposed, I can't be sure I haven't been either. I live with someone who goes to work five days a week. I go shopping at several stores once a week. I have doctor appointments and need medical procedures that require being in the actual presence of doctors instead of on the phone. I'll do what I can to keep myself and others safe. Not because I was told I have to, but because it's the safest way for me, and others with weakened immune systems, and frankly everyone to exist in the world right now.

I understand that for some, wearing a mask is impossible, medically speaking, but true medical issues with wearing a mask are rare. And it is for those people as well that those of us who can wear masks, should. 

If you would shudder at the thought of someone walking into the NICU without a mask, then please consider wearing a mask for the parents of babies in the NICU, the healthcare workers who work in the NICU, and for people just as vulnerable as those tiny lives. Our elders, our chronically ill neighbors, young and old undergoing cancer treatment - and all those who love them and take care of them - need the rest of us to help keep them as safe as possible during this time. 

We all want to spend this Christmas and many to come with those we love, so please, let's keep everyone as safe as possible.