[Seek] Honesty [Part 2]

[Advent 19]

This is not what I'm supposed to be feeling at this hopeful, joyful time of year, and that makes it so much worse. 

Nevertheless...

There is hope and joy to be found, if I just lift my head and look for it.

There are invitations from children to watch and play and do things - and I am capable of doing and enjoying many of these things. There are opportunities to cuddle in bed to watch movies, attend livestream plays and concerts from the comfort of my bed, and just to hang out and talk. 

There is my newfound love of playing the baritone ukulele -something that works with my arthritic hands. It helps that two of my children play as well, and my husband has shown recent interest.

There are friends that text or call or message to check in on me.

I find joy in painting signs of welcome and acceptance nearly as much as the joy I experience when people express their gratitude for their signs.

I enjoy using my time and talents to edit worship videos for my church, to sing, to create graphics, and do what I can to help others.

And there's the love ... from my husband, children (biological or otherwise), family, and friends; and the love of God for me and for all people. It is this love, not a thing, but an action, that helps me find my way through the pain to happier things.

To be honest, I try to find the positive in everything, to do what I can to see the good, but it's not easy. There will be days when fear and doubt overpower hope and joy. But in order for it to be overpowered, that hope and joy need to exist in my life. Even on my worst days, I know there are good things to come on the other side of the misery.