[a moment] or three about teenagers

[moment 265]

In a group on social media, I saw a post asking what the three top things teenagers need are. Replies included things like wifi, food, and sleep, as well as things like unconditional love, support, purpose, and friends. It got me thinking about what three things I think teens need.

1. Adults who celebrate them. Unconditional love, support, validation, acceptance - all those things are just the baseline. Teens need adults who celebrate them for who they are and for the qualities that they possess.

2. Friends and family of all ages who believe them. So often we default to thinking of teens as lazy or irresponsible or not yet done becoming who they will eventually be and don't believe teens when they try to communicate certain things. Sometimes teens are depressed or anxious or exhausted or overwhelmed and just can't, so take the time to ask if they're doing ok when they say they can't. If they say no, believe them and maybe even give them a little grace in the situation. Sometimes teens identify one way and then learn more about who they are and identify in a different way. That's ok - believe them each and every time they tell you who they are. This gives them the freedom to become who they will eventually be without fear of judgement from their true friends.

3. Teens need to be teens, with guidance from adults, but with autonomy as well. They need to be kids who play and explore and do crazy things in addition to being humans who are learning added responsibilities in preparation for being adults. They need to feel safe enough with you to make mistakes and then come to you for help should they need it  - and they need you to understand that they are going to make mistakes ... lots of them ... because that's how you learn. And because their prefrontal cortex isn't yet fully developed. And because it sounded like a good idea at the time. They need to be allowed to make their own decisions unless it's a health or safety issue. They need to have control over their bodies and their lives so they can learn to set boundaries and make good decisions and about consent as it pertains to themselves and to others.