[Adventure]s in Panic

[Adventure 2]

It's 6:25PM and I'm sitting here attempting to recover from a panic attack. Funny, I just typed painic attack, which is actually more accurate. 

For the past twenty minutes I've been struggling to calm my heartrate, to breathe, and to figure out why, on an evening that's going to consist of a family game night and good food, I'm having a panic attack. It finally dawned on me - it's the amount of pain I'm in. 

I'm having a panic attack because I'm in so much pain my body and my brain can no longer cope. The great thing is, panic just makes it worse. And I know that, but my body and my brain refuse to calm down. 

So I sit here, breathing and typing, attempting to focus my mind on forming coherent thoughts and sentences, concentrating on affirmations that I am, indeed, ok.

Something similar happens often while I hike. Due to my body's inability to produce sufficient cortisol on demand, my heartrate increases and my breathing gets labored as we go uphill. Add in the pain I experience with each step and its panic attack inducing. So I pause, focus on breathing and the beauty around me. I talk myself down. 

As soon as hiking resumes, my body freaks out once again. I remind myself that I'm breathing. I'm ok. I took sufficient steroids in preparation for the hike. I have someone with me who can help if needed. 

As horrific as panic attacks and general panic can be, there is a lot to learn from them. Each time, I'm reminded that I can and do get through each of them. That fear and sadness and focusing on the pain just fuel them. That affirming that the panic will subside and life will continue and focusing on breath helps. 

This translates into life in general. I have learned the value of facing fear and working through it; of focusing on the beauty and the positive; of knowing that there is peace to be reached on the other side of whatever I'm going through. That although panic is an unwanted adventure, the lessons it teaches can be just as valuable as those taught by exciting adventures.