[Nevertheless] I Rise

Living with chronic pain is never easy. Never. You never get used to the pain. Pain's tendrils threaten to choke every aspect of your life. It affects the way you think, your emotions, your ability to cope with all life throws at you. From what I've read, you're roughly twice as likely to consider or attempt suicide if you live with chronic pain.

There are days when I struggle to get out of bed, not just because of the amount of physical pain I experience, but because of the mental and emotional anguish of life with chronic pain. It is difficult to face yet another day in pain, especially when you know that this is the rest of your life. Unable to take pain medication, I know that my pain levels will increase throughout the day, and there's never relief. It's a difficult hurdle to overcome first thing in the morning, and the hurdles just keep coming. Added to the grief those with chronic pain experience due to loss of ability to do things they enjoy is guilt about the amount of hurt their loved ones suffer as a result of loving someone with chronic pain.

There are days when I'm sure death is preferable to living this way.

Nevertheless, I rise. I drag myself out of bed. I rise above hopelessness, helplessness, to see the light. I do my best to look forward to the day ahead and feel thankful for life's blessings. I have a loving husband, wonderful children, and great friends. Every day, someone does or says something each day that makes my heart sing. There is so much good in this world, many things I'm looking forward to this year, and so many dreams left to dream. I want to be there for my children as they grow up and go out on their own. I want to experience where this journey of life takes my husband and I.

And so I struggle each day to get out of bed, to want to make the most of another day, to find joy. Some days it doesn't seem worth it. Others I can't imagine not being here living out love and joy and sharing it with others.