[Nevertheless] There was Epiphany

Unclench your fists.Hold out your hands.Take mine.Let us hold each other.Thus in his GloryManifest. 

Epiphany by Madeline L'Engle

Last night my husband, youngest daughter, and I watched A Wrinkle in Time. It brought back just how much I adore Madeline L'Engle's writings - her beautiful soul poured out on paper. And then on this Epiphany morning I came upon the above poem, which spoke deeply to my soul. 

I've had my fists clenched for so long. With feeling let down by doctors, my illnesses and pain levels getting worse, a devastating diagnosis (and then reversal of that diagnosis, although the possibility will always linger), strained relationships, and the deep sorrow and uncertainty that comes with it all, I've been a ball of fear and anxiety for far too long. I curl into myself more than I reach out to God or to loved ones.  

Nevertheless, I want to let go of that fear. Let go of the what-ifs, and worries about the inevitable and live my life. I want the same for my husband, my children...for everyone. As the magi left behind the familiar, the safe, in search of their King, I want to leave the familiar comfort of a clenched life behind and follow a star toward the life God wants me to live. It is my hope that my husband will take this journey with me - take my hands, let us hold each other, support each other, love each other so that we can open ourselves to living. So that we may in His Glory manifest a life that reflects Light, Love, and Grace. So that we can fully live.