Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Enough is Enough

I haven't been able to shake a feeling of emptiness. Of sadness. Of somehow failing. Of not doing or being enough.


In years past, I've put my heart and energy into a program that helps families in need during the holiday season. This year the guidelines were changed do to a lack of volunteers and due to those few who volunteered needing to scale things back, most of us living with a chronic illness. The program wasn't very successful, even in its simplified state, or perhaps due to its simplified state.

And then there's what my family and myself have been able to give. In years past we as a family have made surprise donations or given surprise, greatly needed, gifts to others. This year we're not in the position to do so ... financially or healthwise. We've made small monetary donations places, but it's just not the same as DOING.

Dropping a donation into a box or buying a raffle ticket, or filling in a little box online and clicking "donate" feels empty, disconnected, not enough. And maybe that's why the program failed. Giving a gift card or monetary donation isn't the same as giving SOMETHING. Giving the warmth provided by a donated coat or the joy and hours of creative play of a Lego set just feels better.

So I've decided I've had enough. Enough of feeling badly that the program didn't go as well as I'd hoped - I'll instead be grateful for what we can give to those families. Enough of feeling as if I haven't done enough, given enough, been enough - instead I'll remember our giving and doing all year long and be thankful for all we were able to give and do. 

Enough is what we're able to do, able to give. Let enough be enough.




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