Thursday, May 24, 2012

When I Grow Up

Me as Grandma in my kindergarten
performance of Little Riding Hood. Nice hat!
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

It was quite the unexpected question, coming from my four year old. Perhaps I hadn't yet realized that I haven't yet grown up - but if you think about it, I spend my day reading kids' books, doing puzzles, helping with crafts, painting, singing, and learning a ton from my kids, so from her perspective I'm not quite fully a grown-up.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

We heard that question all the time when we were growing up, and I bet some of us ask kids this, too.

My six-year-old wants to be a "space paleontologist." In case you're wondering, that's a paleontologist who digs up fossil remains on other planets. My scary four-year-old wants to be a pathologist - yes, as she says, "the kind of doctor who figures out how people died." 

Throughout my life, I've wanted to be many things including a teacher and a doctor. Life and my views on things changed, I got married, and we started a family. My calling to be a mother was a strong one. Co-founding a non-profit organization wasn't anything I'd ever thought I would have done, but that's where life led me. 


After giving birth to my kids, I fell in love with the idea of being a birth doula. My plan was that, as soon as my kids were all old enough to be home alone, I'd start training to be a birth doula, and by the time they were self-sufficient, I'd start taking clients. Finally I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up!

Then came my psoriatic arthritis flare and diagnosis. The aggressive illness took over my body, causing permanent damage and turning my dream into something completely unrealistic. Spending long hours tending to a laboring mama is tiring physical work - something my body may never be up to again. 

Now I get to once again figure out what it is that I want to be when I grow up. At the moment, I'm not sure. Right now I need to concentrate on learning to live better with my altered abilities. I need to give Sporadic Artie some time and attention. I need to be here for my kids as they grow up and spread their wings. Someday I'll figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Until then, I'll enjoy all the play time I can manage!

P.S. This is my 100th blog post! How fun is that??? 

Now tell me - what do YOU want to be when you grow up?




2 comments:

  1. First, that's not you... that's girl #1. Second, I think you've found an avenue in your writing. Third since I've almost finished life goal #2 I looked up the ibclc requirements.
    :bag:

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  2. Love that "get to" find your new path! So friggin' enlightened. :) Me, funny that I'm not quite sure...I'm getting better and better at my career, which I love, but I still feel like I want to be better at being in-the-moment true to my heart, like my life's calling is really to figure out how to be more fully human (thank godness the animals help me so much with that!).

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