Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Friendshipwreck

Throughout life friends come and go. Precious few are lifelong friends.

I lost a lot of friends earlier this year. Or perhaps I should say, I found out a lot of people I'd thought were friends, perhaps never considered themselves friends, earlier this year. It hurt because I valued these people and they chose to listen to opinions of others over finding out what was in my heart. That I was caught totally off guard with sudden vehement insistence I am a horrible person was brutal. That I still care about all these people and will most likely never again call them friend makes me sad. 

Since this happened, I've heard from many people that they have had at least one experience like this in their lives and that, although painful at the time, it led to only good things and lasting friendships. Perhaps this is the way of things.

In many ways, these people leaving my life was a blessing. I value friendships - real friendships - those friendships where you can royally screw up and the friend will love you anyway. Friendships where you can be literally out of your mind and they'll understand your situation and offer help and hope, not condemnation. Friendships that may not always be easy and may have incredibly rough patches, but that know love and joy and pain and being let down and forgiveness and tears and laughter. 

My best friend is my best friend because she is that person to me. She loves me no matter what, and I love her no matter what. I knew Renee was the truest of friends when she had me committed to a psychiatric hospital when we were in college. She loved me and new it was the best thing for me even when I didn't, and she didn't care if it meant losing me as a friend in the process - as long as it didn't mean losing me, period. Now that's a friend!

On my mind lately have been those people in my life who have had less contact with me in the past few months, but who haven't said to me one way or another whether or not they continue to consider me a friend. I don't know that they know how they feel. This in-limbo state of relationship is as much driving me crazy as it is breaking my heart. I don't deal well with gray areas. I don't know how to reach out. I'm not good at walking into this unfamiliar territory. All I can do is continue to love them and wait.

In this great friendshipwreck, many were lost; some are hanging on, as of yet uncertain of their fate; and a dear few have survived. For those who came through the tumult with me and still love me, I am truly thankful. For those still hanging in the balance - I'm here, I love you, I'm trying to be patient, and I'll understand whatever you decide. This is my love message in a bottle, set afloat, that I pray makes its way to your heart. 

Perhaps that's all we can do when friendships are in the balance ... love, let go, and see where life brings us.

5 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. I have removed a comment from the blog due to it being full of assumptions based on absolutely no true knowledge of what goes on in my household or with my health on a daily basis and inaccurate information.

    I'm sorry this blog post was not well received by some and not received how it was intended. Friendships go through rough times. Being in a place of uncertainty isn't a bad thing, and I have nothing against people who don't know where they stand with friendships. I'm saying it's a difficult place for ME to be in and that I'm thankful for the friends who have told me in clear terms where they stand, even if it's that they don't know right; the friends who have stuck with me through the rough times and taken time to get together with me, try to understand where I'm coming from, and who have forgiven me for things I've done wrong and for which I apologized many times; and the friends who flat out told me they were no longer my friends, because I know where they stand and can move on, albeit in many cases with a heavy heart.

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    1. Oh, and for those who read the comment and are concerned (thanks for the emails, L and J!), my kids are all up-to-date with medical, dental, and vision appointments; my own health is doing rather well and I've put my mobility devices away in closets until/if I need them again, although my energy levels do tend to be on the low side; and all money Haley and I are raising for our trip to Israel is apart from family finances (stay tuned for news of Haley's gluten-free confections fundraiser!)and along the lines of what many homeschool families do to fund activities, and that my in-laws are generous in gifting/trading/selling us used vehicles in no way reflects our ability to purchase a vehicle should we need to. Our home is clean and safe. Well, clean in a seven people live here and Mama is rearranging furniture again and we are currently packing for camp sort of way, not in an OCD way. And the things I bartered are all things I purchased (used from friends, plus the chalkboard attachment on sale at the Papaya Patch back in the day), except the birth pool, which my mom bought as a gift for me, and who I assume would be pleased to hear is going to a good home in exchange for eggs and beer.
      And yes, I'm tired of the drama. All I wanted to say was friendships are hard and I'm struggling and apparently I didn't say it very well. I'm sorry.

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  3. Don't have the guts to leave anything but fluffy bunny love fests up even after this remarkably self-serving blog post? Tsk.

    Taking lessons from Kelle Hampton or something?

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    1. If the comment was at all based on my real life as it is now, I would have left it up. A comment from someone who hasn't been in my life for five months or in my house for much longer and is saying things that aren't at all true and could be quite harmful to my family had to be taken down.

      I don't have a problem with people having their own opinions about me and my life, but to state opinion or a guess as to what my life is currently like as fact isn't acceptable.

      It was not my intent for this blog post to be or sound self-serving. The ebb and flow of friendships and how sudden loss of a bunch of friends has impacted our lives has been the topic of discussion amongst some of my friends lately. This is my take on it. It's not an easy thing to discuss, as it's a deeply emotional issue.

      I have no idea who Kelle Hampton is.

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