[reason 355] because some days it's difficult to find a reason

 ...and so I have all the other reasons to look back on.

It began with one seemingly innocent text and didn't end. I'm actually writing this a week later and it's still not over. I don't know if it ever will be.

One of my kids ... a young adult who I love as my own, who I supported through some pretty tough stuff, who can't imagine how big of a piece of my heart he's taken with him, spoke what he believes is his truth and walked out of our home and presumably our lives. To this day, I hope he comes home. I'm sad that he left so hurt, feeling as if I somehow didn't care about or love him, even after all we'd been through. Not able to receive my love or hear how I rearranged my life for him over and over again because I genuinely love him and care about him and was/am so proud of him for doing what he needs to do for himself. I wonder if heading in the direction of self care and acceptance of love from others is just too scary a place for him to go right now. When you're used to chaos and uncaring, it's difficult to see a way to love and acceptance. 

I have no photo for today. No reason to live other than because I want to be here should he ever decide to return. If that's next week, next year, or next decade, I hope he knows that he is loved here. He is accepted here. He has family here. Always.