Ready, Set ...

3:38 PM: Mama tells children to get ready to leave the house while she finishes up a project she's working on.

3:58 PM: Mama inquires as to whether or not children have gotten shoes on their feet. One has.

4:02 PM: Mama finds out that one child is taking too long in the bathroom and two more are still awaiting their turn. She attempts to hurry things up.

4:03 PM: Survey taken as to progress getting shoes on feet and coats on bodies. One child is wearing both. Another has managed shoes. Another actually knows where her coat is. Two coats are missing in action, having been removed from bodies a mere two hours ago. The five year old is still holding the bathroom hostage.

4:07 PM: Five year old emerges from bathroom and two children squabble over who is next. Two more children now need to use the bathroom.

4:08 PM: Five year old is putting on socks, singing the theme song to "Transformers," and inquires as to whether or not "Mexicons" might be a plausible new transformer force.

4:10 PM: Three children still awaiting bathroom use and two other children are now discussing "Romebots," "Mexicons," and how funny the concept of "Shishkabots" would be.

4:12 PM: Second child exits bathroom, third child enters. The Shishkabots concept is getting out of hand.

4:13 PM: Third child enters bathroom. It must be some sort of miracle. The youngest two children are being encouraged to seek out shoes and coats before Mama loses her mind.

4:14 PM: Mama contemplates the need to stop for coffee on the way to church.

4:15 PM: Eldest child questions the sensibility of leaving for church two hours early. Mama points out the time, the fact that said child needs to be at church at 5 PM for Confirmation class, and the fact that it's now been 35 minutes or so and we still have multiple children without shoes and/or coats on and we will only leave on time if we're lucky.

4:17 PM: Bathroom is finally free for Mama to use. Mama sends kids to the van, in hopes that in the 5-10 minutes it will take her to get ready, gather what we need to bring with us, and get to the van, that the kids will have buckled themselves in and be waiting peacefully. She realizes that the chances of this happening are the same as the chances of the kids getting ready to go in a quick and efficient manner.

4:25 PM: Mama is on her way out the door when she realizes she's forgotten the pizza fixings for the gluten-free people.

4:30 PM: Mama lugs stuff to the van, where all the kids are actually buckled into their seats. Mama looks at the time, rejoices that they're on time, inquires as to the status of everything that is supposed to be making its way to church, and discovers the absence of two items.

4:32 PM: Mama sends child to retrieve said items

4:35 PM: Child returns with one item. Mama reminds him of the second item on the not very long list and he runs back into the house.

4:36 PM: Child returns with second item, gets in van, gets buckled.

4:37 PM: GO!


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