Diners Beware!


Recently, a group of women descended upon a restaurant, and although seated in a corner booth, proceeded to cause distress to any patron within earshot. They didn’t mean to, but as happens when any combination of these women and their friends meet, it’s inevitable. Words like placenta and nipple make their way into conversation. Over and over. No matter how hard they try, they cannot get through an evening together without discussing birth, breastfeeding, and children’s bodily fluids. These topics of conversation are so natural for these women that there is no thought as to the appropriateness or volume level of the discussion.

The effect on fellow diners varies. Symptoms range from staring to whispering to dirty looks. The most extreme cases involve some form of involuntary twitching. At the very least, the innocent bystanders go home with a story to tell about the crazy mamas who discussed various private body parts as if they were discussing hair color, and where they gave birth (as well as the births themselves) as if they were chatting about where they got their nails done. There is no known cure for those subjected to these conversations.

As these women seem to have a predilection for Mexican restaurants, diners visiting such establishments are advised to be wary of being seated near a table of four or more women. Especially if any of the women are wearing Birkenstocks, a bandana, and/or a long skirt. That is, unless you would fit in well with this assemblage. In that case, you are encouraged to introduce yourself and pull up a chair, birth story at the ready. 

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