[unexpected] joy

 

I knew they must be making a photo album of some sort. I wasn't sure for whom, but when Christmas came and went and no one received a photo album, I started thinking it might be for me. I'd also noticed people taking photos of me more often. And then they used my CVS account to order photos and I figured the 70-something photos weren't just to put in picture frames. 

The album was beautiful and I could tell that a lot of time was spent putting thought, creativity, and love into it. It was really touching and I teared up several times. 

To be completely honest, I'd been dreading the thought that the album could be for me. I didn't want to look at photos of myself. I hate how fat I am. I hate how I look. I hate that I was 75lbs lighter before my insurance company (not the doctor) took me off Ozempic and then I gained all the weight I'd lost back plus some. And after nearly a year of fighting to get on a similar medication, the insurance company (not the doctor) put me back on Ozempic and now it's not working at all. 

As my birthday approached, every time I drove alone, I found myself crying at the mere thought of seeing photo after photo of me in an album. 

But then I read the words and looked at the images and felt seen and valued and appreciated. Quite [unexpected]ly, I forgot my fear of being inundated with all that I hate about my appearance and took in the love.