[Seek] Peace No Matter the Outcome

[Lent 4]

I spent a year facing my fears, saying yes to things that caused me discomfort, expanding my horizons despite my anxieties. I have since continued to do so whenever possible. 

This means I've done things such as speak at a parenting conference, graduate from the School of Lay Ministry, volunteer to make costumes for Epoch Arts' mainstage productions, join the Events Committee at church, and other such things. And that is how I found myself helping to run a Soup and Book Sale at my church. As I sat at the table greeting patrons and taking donations in exchange for books, my anxiety grew. Would the sale be a success? Would it be worthwhile? Would we make enough money? What would people think if no one showed up - or only people from our congregation attended?

As I looked around the room, I began to relax. Children played in a large plastic boat that was formerly a sandbox while adults and children alike perused our selection of books or sat at a table sipping soup and conversing. Laughter and animated conversation lit up the room while the delicious scent of homemade soups caused stomachs to growl. 

Would the sale be a success ... would it be worthwhile? It already was. People were having a good time. Members of the community along with members of our church were shopping, eating, and getting to know each other. It cost us barely anything to put this thing on, so any profit would be a good thing. Why worry? Why not just calm my racing mind and find peace no matter the outcome? 

It's not as easy for me to do that as it is for some, as my obsessive compulsive disorder dictates my anxieties. It takes focusing on the good, the laughter, the love, to allow peace to drive out worry. 

I deal with a lot of uncertainty with my multiple chronic illnesses. I seem to have less worries about illness than most, even though I have cause to be more anxious about health issues. I've learned over the years to have peace amidst the uncertainty, as the outcome of my life is the same as yours - we will all die sometime. Our bodies will deteriorate - some sooner than others. I've learned to cope with those sorts of things as they come, not stressing so much about what my physical health will be tomorrow. Now to be able to do that with the everyday!

So I strive to seek peace no matter the outcome, shifting focus from results and opinions and fears to making the most of the journey itself and defining success through the lenses of love and community.