[Nevertheless] I Don't Give a Funk

Doing dishes in the kitchen of the Cafe at a local arts space, I couldn't help but overhear a group of teens having quite the animated conversation. My youngest child, then around eight years old, happened to be sitting at the table around which the conversation was swirling. Then someone let an f-bomb explode almost directly in her face. There was a second or two of complete silence as the realization swept over the group that a "bad word" had been uttered, with conviction, in front of a smallish child. An apology immediately followed, at which my child merely shrugged. I thought it adorable that this group of teens were so protective of this young child. 

Same group of teens, same young child, different day...and once again someone let that word slip. Only this time, I was right there. Apologies to both the child and myself were swift and sincere. I laughed. And then I explained.

We have perhaps a somewhat unique take on language in our house. There are words. Whether words are deemed "good" or "bad" is based on society and culture. I've been known to exclaim Sheboygan! or Shamokin Dam! (both places) in place of actual expletives. Does this make them "bad" or are they still just words? 

And take a look at the words we exclaim in times of distress or frustration - feces! fornication! Or words we call other people - buttock chasm! exrement noggin! female canine! shower of water sack! Heck, some of these sound much more fun to yell than their supposedly offensive counterparts. 

Insults are not a common thing in our house, because that's not how we operate. My eldest child, probably around age six or seven at the time, once tried to insult his little sister. All he could come up with was, "you....you....you.....maaaaaan!" (Which, in retrospect, could have been construed by said transgender sister as an insult, so maybe he didn't do so badly after all?) Instead of insults, we just tell it like it is, announcing the behavior that the person is exhibiting and what feelings we are experiencing associated with said behavior. After all, addressing the issues produces much better results than calling someone a penis-clump. 

And there are so much better things to call people than vulgarity-laden taunts: nincompoop! snollygoster! ninnyhammer! mumpsimus!

Besides, there are sometimes when those colorful metaphors are appropriate. Walk in on your significant other cheating on you? Use the f-bomb by all means! Step in dog exrecement? I'm sure you can figure out which word is appropriate there! However, if someone upsets you and your response has something to the effect of "sex you!" it is only appropriate if that is an offer or a request, which I'd assume it wouldn't be. That particular curse, when uttered at the object of one's contempt, always amused me. 

So...following the apologies from the teens, I asked Alia if there were any words said that she hadn't heard before, to which she answered no. I then asked if the word was used properly, to which she answered, "well, they could have done better - I don't think sex had anything to do with the situation." This may have shocked the teens a bit. I went on to explain that we stopped editing our language long ago, choosing instead to teach our children social appropriateness and lexical creativity. 

In other words, I don't give a funk what language you use in front of my children, as long as it's not directed toward my children in an agressive manner.