To Complain

"You cannot hang out with negative people and expect to have a positive life."

A friend posted that in response to something I posted on social media, provoking a thought that amused me to no end... the people from whom I usually get the most negative comments about my blog posts and social media posts about living with chronic illness are constantly complaining that I complain too much. The only responses they have to things I post are negative comments about what they perceive as my negativity.

Then again, they see things a bit differently than me.

To me, complaining doesn't sound like this:

"I can barely move my neck and my arms, I guess it's time for more prednisone and a pajama day!" (Note: in case you're not familiar with pajama days, they involve wearing pajamas all day and lounging in bed, and watching movies, and reading good books, and eating lots of snacks. In other words, pure heaven.)

To me, that's stating fact. If I'd posted "I overcooked the chicken, so it looks like it's pancakes (or waffles or ice cream) for dinner instead!" their perception of the tone of the comment might be different. To me it's the same thing - something not so pleasant happens and I'm making the best out of the situation.

Complaining, to me, would sound more like this:

"I can barely move my neck and arms. Is this medication ever going to start working? Why does my life have to be so horrible all the time? I can't do anything but lay here and be miserable."

It's all a matter of perspective.

Our own personal histories, morals, life experiences, and world views are the lens through which we perceive others. Personally, I choose to "put the best construction on everything," as Martin Luther puts it in the Small Catechism when speaking of the Eighth Commandment. Whenever there might be an iota of doubt as to intent, I strive to assume that friends and acquaintences mean well, even if my perception is otherwise.

Those who know me well, know I'm not a negative person and take living with chronic illnesses in stride most of the time. I do have my moments when I'm completely overwhelmed with coping with life as I know it, but I usually choose to share those struggles with only those closest to me. Occasionally I work through my most difficult times through my writing, again striving to find and put the "best construction" on my situation. 

When interacting with somone living with chronic illness and/or in chronic pain, please understand that what may seem to you like complaining may just be them stating something mundane about their everyday life.