I've had a new blog post screen open on my computer for days. OK, weeks. It's remained white space until just this moment. I've wanted to write, but the words just haven't been coming. Pain has gotten in the way. Packing and planning and cuddling and trying not to watch Christmas movies has also gotten in the way.
It seems when pain levels are high, there is white space where deep thoughts should be. In fact, there is white space where any thought the connects to any other thought should be. I miss the most obvious of connections, making life ten times more difficult. I've completed grocery shopping and moved on to picking up things for my class, realizing after leaving the supermarket that three of the items I needed for class were, in fact, groceries. That sort of thing happens with increasing frequency as of late.
But there's hope in the form of cat scan guided sacroiliac joint injections in my future. Just a couple weeks away, as a matter of fact. I'm both excited and scared. I'm not so much scared of the procedure, but of the side effects, of it not working as well as we're hoping, or of it not working at all.
I'm also excited that they might just be my ticket to walking, sleeping, and enjoying life more fully. I can barely wait!!!
But wait, I must.
It seems fitting in this time of waiting - Advent.
Speaking of Advent, and of White Space, I have a plan - a hope for this season of waiting. I'm going to write - to fill up the white space that has become my mind and my blog with words and thoughts and photos. Every day. And blog what I write, good or bad, long or short, intelligible or nonsensical.
We are using Ann Voskamp's The Greatest Gift as our Advent devotional this year, with many of the pretty and fun free extras she has on her website. I found it months upon months ago and loved what I read then when paging through it. In the book, each day of December leading up to Christmas has a Bible verse followed by some beautiful thoughts and intriguing questions. I've not read any of them in months, and plan to take the next day's Bible verse and write about it the night before without reading any of what's in the book...writing about how that particular Bible verse talks to me (or not!) in that moment.
But for now I wait.