Monday, December 1, 2014

Ways to Torture Your Kids, Christmas Edition



1. Ask them what they want for Christmas. Every time they say something, shake your head about their choice and ask, "What else?"

2. Every few days, say, "You wanted a __insert item child does NOT want here ____, right?" Act upset with yourself when they tell you they want something different.

3. Wrap their Christmas gift early - or better yet,  a random household object - and leave under the tree or anywhere else in the house. Every once in a while, comment about how excited you are for them to open their gift.

4. Wrap their gifts in layers of wrapping paper, yarn, bags, and tape. Make sure the final product is much bigger and a totally different shape than the gift itself.

5. Watch the same holiday movie from your childhood over and over and over and over.

6. Replace all Netflix queues with only Christmas movies.


7. Have Christmas music playing at all times. Well, except when you're watching Christmas movies.

8. Start baking Christmas cookies right after Thanksgiving. Let the kids help roll, cut, and decorate sugar cookies or another family favorite. Announce as you take the first batch out of the oven how thankful you are to get the baking done early, and how every single cookie is going into the freezer for all the Christmas festivities coming up.

9.  Arrange for care for your kids for a day and tell them you're going Christmas shopping for them. Post pictures of yourself on facebook throughout the day - at the movies, out to dinner, etc. and tag your kids in the photos. Then post a picture at the dollar store with the description "Christmas shopping for the kids."

10. Ask your children at least two dozen times a day if it's Christmas yet.


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