Thursday, November 3, 2011

Rannygahoots Guide to SPORKS

After four days of strenuous research, Rannygahoots Laboratories has put together the following guide on Surviving Power Outages Relatively Kinda Sanely:

Step 1: LIGHT
In case of emergency, you should always have flashlights with batteries, candles, and hundreds of glow sticks on hand. Most important are the glow sticks, preferably the kind you can bend into bracelets, as these provide not only an amazing amount of light, but entertainment value as well. See before and after photos below...


Step B: WARMTH
Body heat is a ready source of warmth. Gather vast quantities of blankets, put some mattresses together on the floor, and share your body heat. Refrain from saying whiny things like, "He's touching me!" or "She's too close to me!" because closeness is essential to the conduction of body heat and besides, it drives your mother up the wall and it isn't very warm up the wall. 

Step 3: SAFETY
Your house is usually a safe haven, but should branches and trees decide to fall on it, you might need to evacuate. Then safety takes on a whole new meaning. Have food, water, and blankets in the vehicle with you. Drive slowly, but not so slowly you lose traction on hills. Dodge things like power lines and fallen trees whilst trying not to slide around on the road and/or into another vehicle. Try not to say words you don't want the kids in your vehicle to repeat. If your trip to the local shelter fails, find somewhere with electricity and a bathroom, preferably a 24 hour restaurant with sympathetic waitstaff. If you have children with you, plan on 172 trips to the bathroom in a 2 hour period. When you find permanent shelter, realize that being safe is more important than having power or being warm and be thankful for the darkness and the cold, as it comes with a roof over your head and a lack of large falling objects. 

Step d: FOOD
Don't forget to eat, even at inappropriate hours if it gets you a warm place to be for a couple hours. Hot food is better than cold food, but any food will do. Especially chocolate. 

Step 5: FUN
What's a power outage without a little fun. Remember the glow sticks? Try making animal shapes. 

Play games - you know, like board games or card games. If you're not familiar with such things, they are types of games that don't require batteries or electricity, but can be incredibly amusing. 


Make shadow puppets. Slide down stairs in your footie pajamas (which are wonderful to wear when it's cold in the house). 

Read books. Write out your holiday wish list. Lock your parent out of the house.

Or give your camera to a 3-6 year old and see if you can identify what they took pictures of ... any guesses on these...?





Step *: PRAY
Pray ceaselessly and humbly. Don't pray for your own power to come on, as that would be selfish. Instead pray for your neighbors' power to return. 

Step Zzz: SLEEP
After all, when you're asleep, you don't notice the cold!  Just be wary of the aforementioned camera-toting 3-year-old when deciding on your napping spot.




WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS: Great amounts of heat are created by freaking out, so go ahead and get it over with. You may not feel better afterwards, but you'll be a little warmer.


No comments:

Post a Comment