To Be Transparent

This is a different coming of age. My second child - finally, gloriously - turned eighteen as her true self. She is truly coming into her own and I feel so excited for her as she embarks on this journey. Excited and scared.

This unconventional transition into womanhood will likely include loss, as well as gain. Loss of those in her life who don't understand or accept what is it so be transgender. Gain of true friends and supporters - and gain of her authentic self.

For Mother's Day this year I got a daughter. Well, I had her for the past nearly eighteen years, but she decided the day before Mother's Day was the time to share with me that she is she, not he. Zephyr (formerly Zachary) came out to a select few people at first - a few close friends, then me, her dad, and her siblings. Then she threw herself an eighteenth birthday / gender reveal party to let the rest of her friends celebrate with her two months later. Today.

As her mom, I had an inkling for years. I left many an opening for her to confirm what I felt about her for so long. Knowing her, I knew she needed to do this in her own time, in her own way. She never was one to be told what to do or to do things before she felt completely ready. Knowing for two entire months before her party was torture for this mama, who wanted to announce to the world that this precious child of God is now living her truth as God intended her to. I've had to be opaque when speaking with others about LGBTQ+ issues and how I can relate to having LGBTQ+ children. How wonderful it is to get to be transparent as a trans parent!

It is my hope that, as Zephyr (Zeph for short) moves forward in her transformation, the people in her life take the time to understand, to ask questions, to accept that she is the same person she's always been on the inside, even when her outer appearance, name, and personal pronoun changes. That people in our faith community realize that, as Rev. Elizabeth Eaton, Presiding Bishop of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, said,

“Our church has done work for years thinking about this. And we have come to the understanding that God’s creation is diverse and that the diversity of God’s creation is actually a gift. When we take a look a people’s sexual orientation or gender identity, it’s not completely binary. Everybody isn’t male or everybody isn’t female. There’s a whole spectrum to that. I think that’s something that’s new for a lot of our people to think about, but it’s the truth…we’re very clear that everyone bears the image of God and everyone is valuable in God’s eyes.”

And that all the good things they thought about Zachary, they continue to think about Zephyr, as they are one in the same person.

Happy 18th Birthday, Zephyr ... my kind, creative, thoughtful, punny daughter! Child of God, Jesus loves you, and so do I!