Wednesday, August 3, 2016

True Life


Pain threatens to swallow me whole.

I'm so excited - so many things to look forward to!

It's a struggle to open my eyes each morning, sleep pulling me back into it's pain-dulling clutches. Gone are mornings of waking refreshed for the day ahead. Instead torturous sleep gives way to a fuzzy eyed shroud of pain that clings to me throughout the day.

Upon waking each morning, my mind is filled with the exciting things we have coming up! Epoch Arts Homeschool Co-op class proposals are pouring in for Autumn Semester. In a little over a month, I'll be heading to Camp Calumet for my first School of Lay Ministry retreat and after that, a homeschooler's beach day. I'm looking forward to Finn's baptism, a day at Old Sturbridge Village, and a quietish month before homeschool and other activities are back in full swing.

There is so much I want and need to do, but my energy is lacking and my pain levels are almost unbearable. Some days I can barely leave the relative comfort of my bed. I can see how people quickly become addicted to narcotics, as the one pill I'm able to take just takes the edge off, and it's so tempting to take two or three to get some real relief. I base what I do each day by the amount of pain I think I can cope with each night and still get some sort of sleep.

Our Autumn is looking amazing. Three children will be participating in Epoch Arts Haunted House "Creatures of the Night" and two in their Mini Production "Collide." I look forward to seeing what Beth has in store for the teens - and for me! - this time. Tuesday Night Sunday School and St. Paul Puppet Academy are both looking like they're going to provide wonderful faith-filled fun. And all activities that feed my soul and don't require vast amounts of energy on my part. 

Living with chronic illnesses and chronic pain consumes every moment of every day.

Thriving with chronic illness and chronic pain consumes every moment of my day.

Truly living life while coping with chronic pain and illness has more to do with perspective and balance than it has to do with how well I feel at any particular moment. I'm in pain every moment of every day, but, for the most part, it's my choice what impact that has on my life. For me, I'd rather be in pain and doing something I love than be in pain and wallowing in self pity. I do have my moments, and an occasional day spent in my pjs in bed, but that's not my life. 


My life is looking forward to doing amazing things,no matter how small. It is taking on things that feed my spirit and energize me. It is praying that this treatment, or the next, will rid me of some of this pain and exhaustion so that I can have a reprieve from the intense work of living in this body. It is living in hope, in service to others, and in gratitude for the wonderful things life has to offer. 


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