[reason 34] breakdowns

One of my children and I had the worst night the other night. Hopelessness and despair filled the room while sobs soaked their pillow. They've done so much work and feel worse off for it. It's just not fair. It's not right. It's not OK. Healthcare providers should not be doing exponentially  more damage than good. 

I could go on a long rant about medical professionals needing to listen to their patients, even if they're children; and learn things about gender and pronouns and respect and mental health so as to not make things worse, but that's for another day.

After a cleansing mix of words and tears, they finally drifted off to sleep. After another hour or so, I joined them in slumber. Too soon, I was up again, needing to take my meds and start my day so I'd be ready when I needed to wake them up to start theirs. They reluctantly got out of bed and ready for yet another appointment. Nothing was fixed, nothing was better, but they journeyed on.

Another day, another failure by a medical professional, who did better, but still not good enough. Another breakdown in the car, but more conversation and venting than emotionally letting lose like the night before. We got strawberries and chocolate and salads and came home, nourished our bodies, did more research, and contacted yet another person who we hope can lead us to the help my child needs. 

Some days you just have to let out the bad and hope for some good. And some days hope isn't easy. I pray the resilience of this child will last longer than the time we need to put all the necessary healthcare pieces together with good care providers so they can get the help they need.