[a moment] to tally what it's worth

[moment 281]

Deep in a conversation that was heartbreaking and frustrating and sad, I had to take a break and breathe and remind myself that these fellow human beings were not privy to all the information I had and conversations I'd experienced. Overflowing with white privilege and ableism, there was no explaining how skewed the points of view being shared truly were. Opinions of people who quite obviously hadn't  listened well enough to understand the hopes and plans and lived experiences of the people we were meant to be supporting and encouraging flew this way and that, clashing with the understanding and grace that filled my thoughts and my own opinions. This was a conversation wherein a price was put on others' possessions and judgement on their motives, resulting in a decision that would determine the quality of life for a group of people for the next who knows how long. 

I value the people over the possessions. I value the people over the inconvenience. I value the people over whatever expectations I might have had for the situation. I value the people's safety over a few hundred dollars. 

If someone came into my house and decided to tally what my possessions were worth, who knows what that figure would be. Most of our furniture is second (or third, or twelfth) hand. Or from Ikea. Or from other people who got it from Ikea. Our pots and pans are older than our marriage - and some are older than my husband's grandparents' marriage. Many of our possessions are thrift store finds. Many things - beds, shelving units, dressers - were given to us. But to replace it all would cost us thousands.

If my family was to make the decision to move to another state - which we will someday - I would assume that we'd have the support of our friends, even if some of them might miss us or not understand why we decided to move. I'd assume they'd encourage us to get as much money as possible for our possessions as to make our move and transition to life in another place easier. To have friends look down on our future plans of giving up many of our possessions for a simpler life in another state would break our hearts. 

It seems that I find worth in places that others can't see. I see worth in supporting people who seek to change their lives for the better even if that doesn't look like what I thought it would when I met them. I see worth in people advocating for themselves; knowing what they need for their physical, mental, and emotional health; and being firm in their decision to seek out the life they need regardless of whether or not the people who said they'd support and help them are actually doing so. I find worth in their humanity, which, like everyone else's, is complicated. 

So please, if you choose to help grown adults, respect the fact that they make their own decisions and don't get hurt feelings when their choices go against what you think is best for them or some idea you have of the help that they need. If that help includes financial and material help, please respect that they can do with their finances and possessions what they deem necessary.