[a moment] to do better

[moment 136]

I'm exhausted after a five day trip to two different states and a full day of driving. And frustrated after a five day trip where my children's hearts were hurt over and over and I felt helpless to do anything about it. 

Sleeping on an airbed on uneven ground and the overly long drive home have made my body seriously unhappy. Five days of my children being deadnamed and/or misgendered has me emotionally exhausted.

If you have family members who have changed their names for any reason, please learn the new names before they visit and use them consistently when they visit. It's a huge show of love and respect. 

Not a single person had an issue with learning that my last name was no longer my maiden name, but was my married name. My grandfather chose to go by Arthur (his middle name) instead of Adelard (his first name), as have many other people I've known. People use nicknames all the time, and sometimes even those nicknames change. And if you can deal with being called by all of your names, perhaps including your first name, and by Mr/Mrs. Lastname, and by Aunt/Uncle Firstname and by Mom/Dad and by Grandma/Grandpa, and by any nicknames your friends or family have for you, you can deal with learning new names for other people in your life. 

It's really not that difficult to learn new names and make the switch. The stress of hearing their birthnames on the people whose names have changed is far greater than the difficulty you are having remembering names.

This goes for pronouns as well. 

I realize you may think they/them pronouns are difficult at best, nonsense at worst. Many people think that way. I recently spoke to someone who insisted that the use of they/them pronouns as singular pronouns was incorrect. They then proceeded to use they/them pronouns as singular multiple times while explaining why they should not be used as singular. They didn't seem to believe that their explanation was just proving my point. Which I also just did right now speaking about them - singular. 

I am looking forward to once again being around people who will call my children by their correct names and use the correct pronouns...and those who do their best to do so, apologizing when they don't get it right. And I pray that next time our visit is less stressful because all names and pronouns are being used and respected.