[a moment] of conspiracy: camp day 14

 

[moment 192]

It was probably around 2AM when I completely lost my ability to use the left side of my body and shortly thereafter when I lost the ability to speak. I had one of the worst headaches I'd ever experienced and I was at camp, on an airbed laying next to my husband, and couldn't move enough to wake him up. My brain was too foggy to think of ways to help myself, so I did my best to attempt more sleep. 

Hours later, when my husband woke up and found me nonverbal and in need of assistance, he retrieved my wheelchair and helped me to the nearest handicapped accessible bathroom and back to the tent. There was really nothing to do for me but let me rest. 

Eventually it was nearly time to leave for Saco River tubing, and it was obvious that I wasn't going to be well enough to do so, so my husband took the kids and they had a fantastic time. Mal stayed behind, unbeknownst to me, and scared the crap out of me rustling around in our kitchen tent. That's was when I discovered I'd regained some speech and could vault myself out of bed if I needed to, although I was incredibly unstable. 

This is the difficult thing for me at times - watching others go off and have a good time and missing out because my body isn't cooperating; watching others enjoy a big meal and ice cream and candy and all the things while I can't eat much at a time and need to choose carefully what I put into my body - basically that I don't get a vacation from pain and exhaustion and food issues and hemiplegic migraines and ... and ... and. 

I'm at this very moment getting photos off of cameras and onto my phone so they can be shared with the people who took the photos and there are a bunch of pictures from our trip to Pennsylvania to visit my in-laws in which my husband and kids are having a blast playing miniature golf and driving go karts and such ... things they did while I was miserably ill with a conspiracy of chronic illnesses. (This is what it needs to be called when multiple chronic illnesses conspire to knock you on your butt!)

Most days I can cope with the fact that my life is different than most and that I'm not going to be able to do things as planned at times. At home, I'll usually get another chance, and soon.  But on vacation, it's different. I'm not going to get the opportunity to do those things again until next year, if at all. And today that hurts.