bear with me for [a moment]

[moment 161]

When Onyx was a toddler, their experience of boys was that boys have long hair and their experience of girls was that girls have short hair because of the boys and girls they knew at the time. This meant that Onyx defaulted to he/him for anyone with long hair and she/her for anyone with short hair. Onyx had concrete proof that boys have long hair and girls have short hair, so it took some convincing to assure them that anyone could have any length hair. 

Gender is an odd thing, isn't it?

In different countries, different cultures, different times in history, gender is defined and expressed in many different ways. Gender is a social and cultural construct.

Some cultures have a gender binary. Many recognize gender fluid people or that gender exists on a spectrum. Skirts and dresses aren't reserved for one gender in many cultures. Slacks aren't reserved for one gender in many cultures. Different colors are used to signify different genders in different cultures. 

Doctors' and scientists' understanding of gender and sex has evolved, especially recently, but for many, many years they have understood sex and gender as developing separately and not binary in nature. 

The only person who can define a person's gender is themself. Gender means something different to everyone and one's gender is based on their experience of their gender - or their nonexperience of gender - based on their social and cultural upbringing.

So, as I said before, gender is odd. It's not something you can predict when meeting someone for the first time. Or sometimes the tenth time, as gender can be a fluid thing. So in my family we offer our pronouns when we introduce ourselves in hopes that others will do the same. If we don't know someone's gender when we're talking about them, we use they/them pronouns.