Doctor Appointment [Adventure]

[Adventure 61]

I experience anxiety before, during, and after every doctor visit I have. 

It doesn't matter how well I know or how much I like the doctor. The majority of my anxiety has to do with whether or not the doctor is going to believe me. Most of my life I have informed doctors of my experience in my body to have them tell me that it was all in my mind, or that I just needed to lose weight, or that it was just growing pains or just a headache or just whatever they needed to say to attempt to appease me. 

This happened so frequently and for so long that I often question whether or not I'm experiencing what I'm experiencing. I downplay the severity of my own symptoms. I put off going to the doctor or the emergency department until I can no longer deny that something is an issue. And even then, it's excruciating to make the appointment because my anxiety is heightened by the thought that the doctor isn't going to believe me anyway. 

I recently had an appointment with a neurologist due to chronic migraines that have been getting progressively worse. Sitting at my computer waiting for the telehealth visit to start, I was literally shaking with anxiety and on the verge of tears. The doctor quickly put me at ease, and as we wended our way through the appointment, he asked many questions and validated so many of my experiences in the process. He was genuinely concerned with many of my answers and gently explained what each piece of the puzzle could mean. I left the appointment with a few preliminary diagnoses (pending testing), referral to a neurosurgeon, orders for brain and c-spine MRIs, being taken off of one medication and put on another, having another medication doubled, orders for occipital nerve blocks, and instructions as to what exactly to tell the doctor at the emergency department the next time a migraine calls for an ED visit, especially if that happens before I see a neurosurgeon.

Despite all the scary things that are most likely going on with me, I felt a sense of relief after this appointment. I felt heard and believed. For once I wasn't told, or it wasn't inferred, that what I was experiencing was all in my head. I take that back - it is literally all in my head, but you know what I mean.