[Adventure] in Holding On

 [Adventure 73]

In reading The Book of Forgiving by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu for a book club at my church, I'm doing the exercises suggested at the end of each chapter. One such exercise involves carrying a palm-sized rock in your non-dominant hand for six hours while you go about your day as usual. You then think about and answer questions about how holding onto that small rock greatly impacted your time.

As someone who is truly ambidextrous, this exercise was perhaps a bit more challenging for me, as I don't have a non-dominant hand. I do some things with my right hand, and others with my left.

I experienced the expected - holding onto the rock made life for difficult. Simple things became more complicated or took longer. After a while my hand became cramped from holding onto the rock for so long. Eventually I started questioning why I would do something that was obviously disrupting my day. I found myself frustrated at the weight of the rock and how it interfered with the enjoyment of my day. The longer I held on, the more used to functioning while holding on I got, but that didn't change the amount I had to alter what I was doing or the negative feelings that began permeating everything I was doing. 

Holding onto that rock was much like holding on to anger and resentment. When we choose not to forgive, the weight of the negative feelings to which we cling doesn't affect the focus of our rage, it only negatively impacts us, makes our lives more of a struggle. Forgiving doesn't free the other person from guilt or the need to repent, but it does free us from the negative physical and psychological impacts of holding on to a grievance.

When I finally let go of the rock, the negativity disappeared. I felt lighter - not just my hand, but my entire being. Letting go can do that.