[Nevertheless] It's OK to Cry

My heart broke into a million pieces at two simple words spoken with frustration or perhaps a bit of anger to a child. "Don't cry." The hurt on the child's face increased exponentially as he struggled to hold back the tears. 

Crying is for sissies.

Stop crying. It's not that bad.

Don't cry. It's ok.

Big boys / girls don't cry.

Real men don't cry.

Be strong. Don't cry.

There's no need to cry.

What are you crying for?

What a load of ... to quote my high school band director ... horse hockey. It often takes more strength to express your true emotions than it does to stuff them.

We do a disservice to ourselves when we hold back our tears - and we do a disservice to our children, too. Sadness is a part of life, and we all need to know that being sad is ok. Expressing our grief is healthy. Crying is good, valuable, cathartic. It helps us release pent-up emotions and brings us to a calmer place where we are better able to process our emotions and our life. Crying isn't a sign of weakness, it's one of strength and self-care. To tell someone to stop crying is to rob them of an invaluable opportunity to do what is needed to move forward. 

Instead, why don't we say things like,

"I'll sit with you while you cry."

"Get it all out -this is so good for you!"

"I'm here if you need to talk."

"This is the best thing you can do for yourself right now."

"I love you."

"Do you want a hug?"

"You really need a good cry."

"I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm here."

Or sometimes, just sitting in silence, holding a hand, giving a shoulder to lean on, or an embrace to fall into is all you need to do. 

Our culture sees crying as weakness. Nevertheless, it's just the opposite. It takes immense strength to express such vulnerability and emotion. Weakness comes through repressed emotions that eat away at our spirit. Strength comes through the deep cleansing of a good cry which prepares us to move on or start anew.