[Nevertheless] It's a Blessing

Sometimes really bad things happen. 

Tragedies happen. People we love make mistakes. A life-altering diagnosis changes everything. Apathy, mental illness, addiction, or one of myriad things takes over our lives. We lose touch. We lose hope. We lose ourselves. 

Years ago when my health first took a major nosedive, I was scared. Scared for what it meant for me, but mostly what it meant for my children and my husband. I didn't want to burden them or be a burden to them. We all struggled together to learn what it was to live with chronic illness. We had to let go of activities we loved in order to slow down enough for me to cope with the daily tasks of raising five children. 

Nevertheless, it was also a blessing. We learned together what was really important to us as a family. We pared down to things that nourish our souls and our spirits. No longer running from here to there doing something nearly every minute of our day, we slowed down and became closer as a family. We gained a better quality of life as a result. 

My husband and I went through something intensely difficult at the end of last year - a rude awakening for both of us as to how far we've drifted. A tumult of feelings challenged our relationship at its core. Both of us had distanced ourselves from the other as we dealt with our own personal issues in a tangle of guilt, confusion, and fear.

We loved each other so much, we didn't want to hurt each other. And ended up hurting the other more in the end.  

Nevertheless, this difficult thing was a tremendous blessing. It woke us up to the guilt-provoked lies we were telling ourselves, forcing us to confront our shortcomings, and lay everything out before the other in difficult deep conversations.  It led us to know that what we want is to connect with each other more deeply, express our love for each other more fully, and to love each other completely. 

And so, as I lay all of this at Christ's feet I pray with every breath that we can wholly forgive each other and ourselves in order to move forward to live out the promises that bound us to each other twenty-three years ago.

Romans 8:26-28 The Message (MSG)
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.