Fifteen: Expect

“Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”  - Margaret Mitchell

When I read that, it somehow went through my brain in my mother's voice. The same one she used, when I was a child, to tell me that life's not fair. I immediately thought, in an overly whiny voice in my head, "But Mo-oooooom!" 

Expectations. I always have such grand expectations. I'm a planner, a list-maker, a slightly incredibly insane person with OCD. 

Recently, my expectations were these: Zachary's surgery will go well, we'll go home, we'll be well stocked in throat friendly foods, we'll get through a week of intense sore throat pain, another week of improvement, and then move on with our lives. In the meantime, it will be life as normal. 

Great expectations.

And then the snow. And my husband gets sick the day after surgery. And my body decides it's shutting down the very same day. And medications need to be given every three hours around the clock. And I don't sleep. And more snow. And missed work due to illness. And unexpected expenses, which, of course, are expensive. And, and, and...

And I take deep breaths. I sleep when I can, even if it's during the movie I already fell asleep during once and that needs to go back to Netflix today. I take more meds to keep me going. I pray. A lot. I decide that vacations must be overrated. Then decide they're definitely not overrated and I need one right now. I start to panic about finances and no more sick time and vacation time down the drain. Again. And then I stop. I take more deep breaths. Pray some more. And find peace in knowing that no matter what happens, God will take care of it.

It might not be what I expect, but, as always, God is right there with me as I wing it. 

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Forty Days In Thought, Word, and Deed