[reason 279] difficult nights

 

Our evening began in the Emergency Department. One of us was the patient, one was there for moral support, and I was there to advocate for the patient and to keep track of the medical side of things.

The thing is, Moral Support did wonderfull advocating for Patient and asking the right questions and reassuring and encouraging Patient. I was incredibly impressed with the love and care and beautiful words Moral Support shared with Patient. It was amazing to witness the love and deep connection these two have (even if they don't feel it all the time). 

Once home, Moral Support helped Patient get settled in bed. Moral Support came downstairs and I could see the tidal wave of  feelings and all the worry and all the concern suddenly crash over them. 

Patient had been suffering - not just in pain, but suffering - and knowing that and witnessing that broke Moral Support's heart. That their partner was going through that tore them to shreds. Moral Support was afraid to climb into bed with Patient, in fear that they would move the wrong way and cause their love further suffering. They wanted to be there for them, but the thought of being the cause of more pain was unthinkable.

I sat with Moral Support as they processed their feelings and thoughts and so much more. I listened. I reassured. We touched on so many things as the initial deluge shattered the damn of emotions that had been pent up for months. I prayed I would say the right things, be quiet when I needed to, and that MS would take my words to heart and truly believe them. I wished I could say the same things to Patient, who, by the way, made it through a day full of things that were impossibly difficult better than I ever could have. 

You are loved. You are valid. You are valued. You are important. You are worthy. You are beautiful inside and out. I'm glad you exist. I'm glad you're here. I hate that you had to go through what you went through in your past. I'm overwhelmingly overjoyed that you landed here with us. I hope one day you can truly feel how much I love you and how much your partner loves you. Words cannot express how awed I am that I get to be your Mom. Both of you. 

I am here when you need me. You are not a bother. And for the thousandth time...that's what moms are supposed to do.