To Give Up Control

My van's transmission and my left sacroiliac joint went out on the same day.

I admit that in the moment I realized that a fix for my van would most likely be more than we could afford and a fix for my hip would not be forthcoming, I had a brief cry in my driveway. I was overwhelmed in the moment, but at peace when I realized that help and support were just a couple phone calls away.

With a busy long weekend including Alia's birthday, homeschool co-op and Arts Response rehearsal on Friday; Mainstage rehearsal and birthday party on Saturday, and worship, birthday lunch, rehearsal, and Arts Response on Sunday, we formulated a plan that involved too much driving on Friday and renting an "economy car" for the weekend. We were blessed when the "economy car" was upgraded for free to an extra large SUV, which worked wonderfully. We had an amazing weekend, during which I relied on crutches to get around and did my best to ignore the pain.

Monday morning brought excruciating pain after a nearly sleepless night and the news that my van needs a new transmission. I took lot of deep breaths, inhaling peace and exhaling prayers to survive the pain. We are being taken good care of by parents, greatly alleviating the stress of the van situation. 

Tuesday we rented another "economy car" in the form of a minivan and made the rounds to medical appointments and such. On our way to church, I received a text indicating that our van was ready to pick up. Having plenty of time - or so I thought - we turned around. After returning the rental car and walking down the street to pick up the van, we paid the bill, loaded up, and headed to the gas station to fill the tank before heading to church. Upon turning the key ignition, nothing happened. Nor did anything happen in neutral. Nor after rolling the van forward a little. Nothing. A quick phone call to the garage brought a mechanic to us. After some fiddling around, he determined there was an issue that would need to be fixed the next morning, but we'd be ok to get to church and home, starting the van in first gear, with a foot firmly planted on the brake pedal. I told my children I was getting sick of the game of  "How Many Vehicles Can Mama Drive in a Week?"

Wednesday morning we were once again dropping off the van and picking up a rental- the same one I'd dropped off  "a day early" the day before. The van was fixed, with no further charge, by that afternoon. We picked up the van after children's activities and work Wednesday night, and successfully made it to appointments and errands on Thursday. 

It's been a long week, but throughout the week, there was a running theme - there was nothing I could do to predict or control the situation and God was taking care of us. We were thrice rented vehicles much more expensive to rent than what we paid due to free upgrades. We received financial assistance from parents who made it possible for the repairs to be done in the first place. Not having a vehicle to drive for a day provided a greatly needed day of rest for me and allowed me to properly rest my sacroiliac joint and adjust medications and treatments to alleviate some of the pain without pain medication. A new transmission means a longer life for our van. And I now have a new appreciation for each turn of the key and the ability to get where I want to go when I want to go there. 

Today, I intend ... 

... to give up seeking control and to instead seek peace in the chaos of life.

... to live in gratitude for the abundance we have, the luxury of being able to come and go as I please, and the gracious support of family and friends.

... to pay more attention to my body and to respect its limitations.