Some Days My Heart Hurts

Some days overwhelm me with too much happy, or too much sad, or too much remembering, or too much longing.

Recently there have been many days with too much everything.

Reconnecting with someone I hadn't seen in a while, the mixture of emotions were difficult to sort out. Not sure what to say, all I knew to do was continue to do what I've done since we parted ways - continue loving and supporting while praying everything would work out well in the end.

Reuniting, although briefly, with other friends reminded me of how much admiration I hold for their strength, wisdom, and tenderness. The wealth of knowledge and experience in one room provided great inspiration and motivation, leaving me wanting to learn, do, and be more.

A gathering of women sharing deep convictions, very personal feelings, and lots of love and understanding proved just what I needed to focus in on those things I hold most dear, even though I was completely scatterbrained when trying to get across what I feel so passionately about. The thoughtfulness and intimacy of the discussion touched off profound feelings in some. A feeling of loving support encircled those gathered and remained close long after the gathering ended.

And then, the news. Tornadoes in Illinois, continuing despair in the Philippines, My heart breaks for all these people. And then reading about all the goodness and kindness and showing up for each other on Momastery Holiday Hands and helping put together 70 of the 152 boxes of supplies and gifts at our church puts the pieces back together.

There was the guy hitchhiking in front of McDonalds, and although I wasn't able to give a ride, I could afford a quick swing through the drive-thru for a breakfast combo, which made his morning. And the grandmother in line at the dollar store buying supplies for her granddaughter's memorial luncheon who didn't pay a dime thanks to a couple of shoppers.

My heart hurts from all this pain and all this love. Over and over it has contracted with each tragedy and expanded with each joy; is torn apart with the remembering, the longing, and healed by the goodness and love in the world. It's a wonder that it continues beating, with the beating it's taken lately. 

And so I turn off the news, invite in only that which shares good news of great joy, I pray and hope and dream, prepare for Advent, and wrap my heart in faith that all will be good, so very good.