twenty days in

We're twenty days in and I'm done with this year ... until I'm not.  

The end of 2023 to the present was a labyrinth of emotions. 

We lost one of the children we had gained last year when he decided he needed to do something different with his life that didn't involve joining our family through adult adoption as planned. We gained a teenager for twelve days shortly thereafter, and the ebb and flow of sadness and anger and happiness and joy made the processing of everything that was happening more difficult, but also brought much needed diversion and laughter.  I had a brain MRI which yeilded somewhat concerning results that require more testing. The fifteen passenger van needed new brakes (and brake lines and .. and ... and...) and once that was fixed, the Subaru went into the shop, also for brakes. 

We celebrated Kotamas and the new year and Jim's birthday and Zayla's birthday. We said goodbye (for now) to Dakota. We celebrated our 28th anniversary. I landed in the Emergency Department the next day, leaving hours and hours later with referrals to two additional specialists. 

We played games and laughed until we cried. We had heart to heart talks and cried until we laughed. 

The Subaru was declared not worth fixing. Now we're down to one vehicle. Some doctors offices have yet to return my calls. 

I finally have much needed medical appointments. Animated conversations and laughter often fill the house.

I spent the past two days at my parents' house, helping out while my Dad isn't feeling well and spending quality time with Mom, including celebrating her birthday. 

Vascillating between deep sorrow and great joy seems to be happening at an ever quickening and exhausting pace. Some days I want to get off. Others, I'm happy to continue the ride.