[Seek] Peace in the Middle of the Night

[Lent 28]

In the past week, I've spent as many nights not sleeping a wink as I have getting broken sleep through the night. I can fall asleep at any point during the day, except when I announce to people in my house that I'm taking a nap so they won't wake me up. It's not good. But I don't know that there's anything I can do about it.

On the nights I do get at least some broken sleep, I wake frequently due to pain (for which I cannot take pain medication). On the nights I don't sleep, I sink into bed exhausted, and then lay there. I sip water. I change sleeping position. Nothing. Come 2AM, I usually give up, get up, and do a few things before brushing my teeth again and heading back to bed, hoping to catch a couple hours before the blaring of the alarm signals it's time to eat and take my morning medications.

Some middle of the night issues are brought on by racing thoughts and pleading prayers. Keep my family safe. Keep my family safe. Keep my family safe.

Some nights I'm beyond that. I've spent all day doing and being and making the best of the situation and not dealing with my fears and feelings. I've been the listening ear, the support person, the parent, the one that gets things done. My head hits the pillow, a blur of pent up, incoherent thoughts and emotions crawling beneath my skin. 

It is these nights sleep evades me. These nights I seek peace, not sleep. 

I pray for peace, for the people whose situations weigh heavily on my heart, for the helpers, for the sick, for you, for me. And I wash dishes or fold and put away laundry or clean up something or other. I watch videos that make me cry out of sheer joy and hope and love for all the good people in this world. I banish fear by looking at my situation and surroundings through a lens of gratitude and grace.