[Nevertheless] This is the Truth

Sometimes it's difficult to tell the truth - our truth. We lie every day. We tell people we're ok when we're not. We tell ourselves that if we could just do that one thing, we could finally be happy. We make up excuses for ourselves and for others. We say something is fine when it's not.

Sometimes we want to protect others' feelings; other times, our own. We hide behind masks of wholeness and happiness, even when everything around us is falling apart.

To tell the truth, I'm not ok. 

My body is falling apart. I have no energy. Everything is a struggle. My pain is overwhelming - at times to the point where I cannot function..

My house is falling apart. I need a new stove, to fix my floor, electrical work in my basement and kitchen, and trees trimmed or cut down around my house. 

My van is falling apart. I need to get the side door fixed and will need new brakes soon. And then there's my husband's car, which needs far more work done on it.

My computer sometimes charges, has issues connecting to wifi, and is excruciatingly slow. My kids' laptop died. My husband's laptop is ancient. My daughter's computer is on the fritz. 

It seems that everything is falling apart at the same time.

We cannot afford this. We cannot afford repairs or computers or to hire people to help. I cannot afford for my illness to get worse, for my pain to increase. I want to live my life without constantly worrying about finances, about trees falling on our house, and about becoming so ill I can no longer do the things that feed my soul. 

Nevertheless, this is the truth. This is my life. 
Nevertheless, I cuddle in bed with my children and watch Harry Potter movies or NCIS.
Nevertheless, I do what I can when I can.

Nevertheless, I live in hope that things will get better. 
And that's the truth.